Don’t you wish this sort of thing happened in real life?

A blatant, bling-laden, warmongering jerkwad receives quick and humiliating justice when a mysterious super-person of questionable ethics (hero? villain? you be the judge!) lays a seductive trap using ToolBoy’s own ego against him.

Oh, wait. I guess in this season of political celebrities and scandal, when the plots of comic books and Times articles can be easily quilted together like partisan MadLibs, “reality,” while very grim,  is also occasionally entertaining.

I’m talking, of course, about the case of Mr. Gabriel Schwartz. After a busy day telling LinkTV.org he supports a platform of “less taxes, more war,” which Team BG can’t defend even grammatically, the 29-year-old attorney and delegate to the Republican National Convention is now missing at least $50,000 worth of loot (possibly up to $120,000, say the cops).

You see,  just hours after Schwartz’s feisty interview, he met a young lady in a hotel bar, took her to his swanky room — and when he woke up, he just couldn’t figure out where he’d left his favorite $30,000 watch. Or the $20,000 ring. Or the $4000 earrings. Or the $1000 Prada belt.

Police!

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