So lost without you, on January 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been in love with my girlfriend for the past four years and am still very much in love with her. Unfortunately, she has decided she is no longer in love with me. We have lived together for the entire time; now we are apart for the first time. She is my whole life. How in the heck am I supposed to fall out of love with her?

— Rich, Lost in Love

Dear Lost in Love,

Oh, Rich. If Breakup Girl had to answer only one letter this week — this month, this year — it might well be yours. Your question speaks for all dumpees, ever.

On the other hand, Breakup Girl secretly wishes she could yell at her intern for losing your letter. That’s because (a) she wishes she had an intern, and (b) now that you’ve raised the eternal question, she hesitates to say that she has no easy answers.

(more…)

Not paying attention on January 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you know if a guy likes you or not?
–Julie

Dear Julie,
Who remembers?
Oh, you mean “likes you.”
Love, 
Breakup Girl

A quickie from January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you ask someone out?
— Ms. Apodaca

Dear Ms. Apodaca,
The real question is, “What do you wear to ask someone out?” And the answer is: your ultra-protective Pride suit (think “Outbreak,” or the end of “E.T.”). Zip it up, and pop the question. If the answer’s yes, great. But if the answer’s no, you’re covered — your suit won’t let it get under your skin. Right?
Love,
Breakup Girl