Wrapping it up on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Oh my GOSH. Your letter from Moogirl made me SOOO mad. You know — the girlie whose boyfriend was getting her lame presents? Listen — let me tell you why, and maybe you can give me some advice about the situation, yah?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years, and we’ve lived together for one of those years (actually a little more than that now). Anyfoo, we’re very happy. I love him, he loves me, we get along wonderfully, blah blah blah.

The problem is – he has let my birthday pass by twice with little or no fanfare.. and absolutely NO GIFT! The first time, he asked me a few times what I wanted for my birthday, and I hinted towards a few things, and made oh-so obvious hints when we went anywhere together like “OOOH! Look at that Sweater Set! I hope someone buys that for me for my birthday!” or “Wow! Look at that necklace.. my dad got one just like that for my mom’s birthday one year, she loved it, it was so pretty, I remember wishing I’d have a guy who would do something like THAT for me someday.. you know, with a necklace like THAT.. you know, THAT one.” I’m not kidding, BG, I was that obvious (That is obvious, right?).

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Let’s wrap on December 29, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,

What should I get my boyfriend for Christmas? We have been only going out for a month but we are serious.

— Michelle

Dear Michelle,

Well, missy, if you’ve been going out for only a month, then Breakup Girl knows this guy about as well as you do. But your letter does highlight a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. There’s also the less common (but perhaps more serious) problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example.

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Naughty thoughts from December 22, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been planning to break up with my boyfriend (of two months) but would rather wait until after the first of the year. My decision (based on my desire to see other guys, coupled with his irresponsibility and general disorganization) has been delayed because of the holidays and, more importantly, the fact that we both have two weeks of difficult final exams. If I know that he bought me an expensive Christmas present, am I under any obligation to stay with him or to return the gift to him after we break up? Is the fact that the gift is something I lobbied for extensively in a previous relationship — but never got — material to this question at all?

— Merry Christmas

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The winter holidays can be a tough time of year whether or not there’s a dependent Claus in your life. It’s hard to be single at Yuletide, because for one thing, you have to hear your parents say things like, “Won’t your friend be joining us this year?” and “Well, did you sit with anyone interesting on the train?” and “Are you sure you have a good dermatologist?” It’s also hard to be in a couple at the holidays, because it’s … expensive. What to do? How much to spend? Where to kiss? What is wassail? Here’s Breakup Girl’s mini-FAQ…

Should I buy my new boyfriend/girlfriend a holiday present?

Ah, a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. (There’s also the less common — but perhaps more serious — problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example. )

So here’s the rule of thumb: at the early stage, your presents should not be commanding. In other words,
DO: pick up a little something sweet, warm, or fuzzy — chocolate, mittens, dice — that says “Hey there, I think you’re kinda sweet, warm, and fuzzy.”
DON’T regale him with anything time-consuming, grand, or intimidating — a ten-course dinner, a romantic weekend at a B&B, a mortgage — that says “Sit here, stay here, sign here.” Give someone new that kind of Christmas gift, and I give your relationship, oh, 12 days.

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