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January 7

Bizarro pitch of the day: “Faux ballers”

Filed under: Comedy — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:11 pm

From today’s BG super-inbox. Summary: “Ladies! Watch out for those wily ‘faux-ballers’ — who are some of our best customers!” What the what?

Have you ever seen that guy at the bar or nightclub with an entourage of people trying to enhance his profile? You know, the guy’s showing off a wad of cash (as pocket change), flashing his Range Rover parked in valet and trying to invite you back to his five-bedroom house. It’s an interesting story that one of our customers actually admitted. He took over a Mercedes car lease to be a “faux baller.” Naturally, we wanted to ask some follow up questions and tip off women on these poor practices from men. So LeaseTrader went out and asked our guy customers (what it truly meant) their tips and tricks for being a “baller on a budget.” Here’s how you spot a “faux baller.”

Inflated Posse – Get a group of 4-6 friends and take turns being the baller. Each night choose one guy and designate him as baller for the entire evening. Let him carry around all the money and purchase drinks throughout the night. Also you can hype his swagger by asking questions about his latest trip to Dubai or if he closed that multimillion dollar deal last week in London.

Empty Bank Account On Friday Night – Take out all the money from your bank account (literally, take all your money out) before hitting your first destination. Here’s the trick. Pay for each drink you order but don’t start a tab. This gives you the chance to pull out your extremely huge wad of cash for each drink purchase. Make sure you pull out this cash when ladies are nearby.

Getting A Car You Have no Business Driving – This was the inspiration to the story. Our customer wanted to get a sick Mercedes on the cheap. The secondary lease market (LeaseTrader.com) lets “faux ballers” get a Mercedes or even a Maserati for pennies on the dollar with little financial commitment.

Sharing Payments – Purchase that sweet condo or house with a group of friends (the same friends that serve as your club entourage). You’ll hopefully be making money on your investment and getting immediate satisfaction telling girls you bought the place as your vacation home when you’re not traveling around the world. Just make sure your buddies are staying at their parents’ place for the evening or sleeping in their car.

Fake Passport Locations – Nothing says “faux baller” like your faux passport. When you’re talking about running with the bulls in Spain, catching the Cannes Film Festival, or dropping in on Carnaval in Brazil, pull out your faux passport with proof of being in each country and this should seal the deal.

After doing this research we thought you might have some fun with these. If you have any further questions let me know and i’ll be glad to help.

Best,

NAME REDACTED
PR Manager
LeaseTrader.com

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