Dear Breakup Girl,

Best wishes from a core, real, die-hard Green Bay Packer Fan-esque fan.

I have had a few long term relationships (a few years each) but none for a while. I have never had a problem meeting women or even going on a date or two, but recently I haven’t been able to keep a long termer. I am in many ways too much of a friend for some women, but I am working on that. No one seems to set me up with anyone even though everyone claims they know someone I should go out with.

OK. Let’s get down to brass tacks. A platonic friend of mine (yet another who says I am too much of a friend, but I would make a good husband) took me out with a bunch of her friends just to hang out. I met a woman who was not only beautiful and friendly, but connected with me in a great, all beit non romantic way. Let’s call her Beth, because that’s her name. There was one small problem. She has a boyfriend whom she loves. So, she was clearly hands off, and I treated it as such. I told our mutual friend, Rhonda, that I have a huge crush on Beth. She thought it was cute and told Beth. I don’t mind. She’s flattered. I get a nice feeling that I made her feel beautiful and special, knowing DAMN WELL that nothing will come of this.

Well, Beth and her man are going through tough times. Real tough times. And Rhonda, our mutual friend, has always used my flattery as a way to cheer her up. “George thinks you are beautiful. He thinks this and that etc etc etc.” Rhonda, who dislikes Beth’s boyfriend, has been subtly pushing my case. In other words she wants Beth to leave her boyfriend and hook up with me. I of course said “I don’t want to be in the middle of anything.” But secretly I wanted her to. Now I know she has been suggesting that Beth take me a little more seriously while her relationship with her man gets tense. And I am guiltily encouraging it.

(more…)

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 15 and I have been best friends with Kristin since the sixth grade. Last year she moved to the next town, where I have met all her new friends and become very acquainted with them. One boy in particular really catches my eye, Sherman. He had a relationship with a girl named Jessica who also lives in the neighborhood but nothing went on beyond peck kissing. So they broke up cuz Sherman wasn’t “gettin any” and then they suddenly became so intense and began being really touchy-feely. Jessica, being a snot-nosed little tease, tells everyone she wants to sleep with Sherman but won’t even kiss him so she won’t appear to be a slut.

Anyways, so one week I went to Kristin’s house and Sherman and I kept stealing those little “looks” at each other. One lucky evening I was fortunate enough to grab a moment outside on the front porch with Sherman. I told him I thought Jessica was a tease and that he should drop her, to which he replied that he was planning on it. He asked me if I had a boyfriend back home to which I replied no and then we got into this big long convo about what we’re looking for in the opposite sex. SOOO… I was sure something was going to happen out there on the porch but JESSICA opened the door and asked Sherman to come in and watch a movie with her.

The few nights after were the same as the first few, staring, twirling hair, brushing elbows… blah blah blah… then I went home.

(more…)

Christmas wishing on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I met this really amazing guy three years ago, when I was dating another really amazing guy. AG#1 and I became fairly good friends, saw each other at school frequently and ended up on the one hour bus ride to and from school together fairly often. Sometime in the year that followed, I split with AG#2 (just our lived heading in different directions) at which point I went into dating overdrive. Being young and immature (18) but thinking I knew it all, there was a string of guys which I saw for a few weeks and then tossed aside, none of them were amazing. Meanwhile, AG#1 and I are spending more and more time together, going out for dinner, seeing movies, drinking at the bar after class together and having wonderfully stimulating (intellectually) discussions.

About a year and a half after our first meeting, we get quite inebriated and end up kissing on my front step and discussing the possibility of us getting together. I knew then that he felt more about me than I felt about him, but I went ahead anyway thinking, I should like him, he’s amazing! So what happens? The next day I flip out and tell him it’s not going to work, I can’t deal etc. etc. Being the AG that he is, he is totally cool about the whole thing. A few days later, he goes home for the summer, and the next fall, I leave to go away to school halfway across the country.

Well, it’s been a year and a half now since the whole kissing thing happened between us and we have still never talked about it. Things haven’t been quite the same between us since then either, and I feel totally terrible about my behaviour. Well, after an amazing dinner with him this summer, right before I again left to come back to school, I started to think about him in a different way, seriously this time. And since I’ve been back I sometimes miss him so much that it physically hurts me. The problem, there is no one else in my life right now, but there is someone in his. We talk on the phone and he doesn’t talk about her much, I get the feeling it’s not serious. And recently he totally hinted that he was still thinking about me as more that just his friend. I would like nothing more than to explore this possibility when I get home for Christmas, but am very unsure about whether or not he is on the same page as me. Plus, I want to be sure this time that I want a relationship with him, he’s so amazing that the thought of me hurting him again scares me. I more than anything don’t want to lose him as a friend. Any thoughts?

— Hoping to Change His Mind

BG doesn’t exactly break out the mistletoe after the jump

A new study seems to say so. It suggests, even, that women are not only more attracted to taken men — call it the “stamp of approval” factor — but also actually willing to pursue them.

“The next question is why,” says researcher Melissa Burkley. In further research, she plans to explore women’s motives even more. One possibility, she speculates: competition; the [alleged, or at least pretty illusory — BG] satisfaction — and self-esteem — derived from mate-stealing.

BG is perhaps naively surprised by these findings. After all, poaching is, of course, verboten. But now I’m curious. Have you [ladies] ever poached? If so, why? Any aftermath?

Looking for love in the wrong place, circa January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I have a crush on a guy who is my brother’s friend and has a girlfriend. We get along great, and always have a good time when together. There is alot of teasing, and sexual innuendo, but also some serious moments. Thing is, he and his girlfriend don’t act like boyfriend and girlfriend, and some of his comments make me think he likes me. So what do I do? Nothing and wait for him, forget about him, or go for it?
— Waiting and Wanting

Dear Waiting and Wanting,
No poaching. Ever. End of story.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Here’s a recap of last week’s advice update, in case you were busy getting out the vote, keeping hope alive, etc.:

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!