Getting back out there on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s been almost a year, and I still feel sick to my stomach when I see the answering machine with zero messages. I know we can never bet back together, but I keep waiting for him to say he made a mistake. After fifteen years together, I don’t know where to go to meet someone else. Any advice for a 40-year-old NYC girl to find someone else to spend my energy on?

— Brook

Dear Brook,

Please know that we all feel a mite queasy when we come home to zero messages. I think we all know what Randy Travis meant when he sang, “If my phone still ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you.” BG even has a friend — we’ll call her Randy — who *69s when she zeros out, just to see for sure.

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Unlimited calling on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am turning to you to get another viewpoint — hopefully one from someone not so closely involved in this mess.

My friends and family all say “just hang up on the sucka!” Yes, you’ve guessed it, I’m getting divorced from my husband of 5 years…and he will not leave me alone. He calls me at work, at home, when I’m in the shower, outside, in meetings — I’ve repeatedly asked, told, begged, pleaded with him not to do this, but it continues.

At home, I’ve got Caller ID and can screen calls through the answering machine, and unless he actually has some valid reason he needs to speak with me, I let him leave a message and do not talk to him. At work, however, I have to pick up my phone when it rings (unique concept, huh?!) and at least once a day it’s him. “Hi, whadda ya doin?” He has never grasped that I work in a furiously fast-paced computer software company, and I have neither the time or inclination (especially now!) to sit and talk to him about nothing…that kind of behavior is for lovers, which we certainly aren’t now and probably never were (yes, it was a horrible marriage and involved every kind of abuse you can think of from him towards me). I just want him out of my life.

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Mysterious doings from January 9, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
What is the correct thing to do when one has been dating a guy for 9 months, and during the last phone call with the guy, he says, “I will call you tomorrow” — and tomorrow never comes. No fight, no disagreement, no nothing — he is just gone. What would you do?
— Ditched and Dumped

Dear Ditched and Dumped.
I would click here. He has clearly been abducted by aliens. If and when he returns, don’t take him back; he will have a chip implanted in the back of his neck that will mess with his memory of what happened and cause all sorts of trouble. Sorry.
Love,
Breakup Girl