Avoiding a crash on November 30, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I can’t seem to get my niece away from a bad relationship with her boyfriend. I remember hearing about what I think was some kind of hormone that bonds teenagers/people together. It sounds like the word “oxey- tonin, or oxey-tosen.” Can you help me? I’ve got to help my niece get away from her boyfriend. She recently had a car accident chasing him. She can’t seem to get over him. I am 45, my neice is 16. It’s so hard for her to take any advice from me. Please respond. I really need an answer. Have you heard of a “hormone” called oxytonin? Thank you!

— Mary

Dear Mary,

OXYTOCIN. It’s a hormone that females (human and animal) release during lovemaking and, Oedipally enough, also during breast-feeding and childbirth. In fact, scientists believe that oxytocin is one of the chemical catalysts for mother-child bonding. So it’s also as if, when you have sex, you imprint on the lucky guy as if he were your bitty baby bird. Helps explain why women — even post-trivial-one-night-stand — may feel this bizarre, misplaced impulse to feed it, help it fly, and to want it to come to depend on them for food and warmth.

I could tell you way more stuff about oxytocin, but I don’t think we’d be going down the right neural pathway. What you need is a catalyst for aunt-niece bonding. This website (though the focus may be a bit more 911 than is necessary here) might help you figure out what kind of “advice” will get through to her (basically, none), and instead, what questions you might ask just to get her talking — and thinking — instead of driving. That is what’s going to — weighed down though she is by teenage hormones — help her fly.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Secrets revealed on February 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m seeing a girl who has very sensitive feelings — something I did not know about at the outset of the ‘relationship.’ It seemed that we were just seeing each other for the sake of not being lonely; there was no true love behind it. She was a virgin and I figured she was looking to change that with someone she felt close to. After we made love, she became very attracted to me, but she has told me twice that she’s not in love with me. However, she seems latched on to me and awaits every one of my phone calls obsessively.

I must admit it was a selfish thing for me to do but I need your help. I want to tell her that it’s best that we don’t see each other but I don’t know how because I know that she’ll break down and cry (she’s done it before). Basically, I don’t want to break her heart because her family and friends consider me a good person and I don’t want to change that! I want to do something now, before this situation becomes a mess! Thanks for your help.

— Danny

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