Saving face on November 30, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I met this guy in ICQ, didn’t expect to ever have real feelings, but we do. The thing is I sent him a picture of another person, a knockout! And told him I was 10 years younger than I am. I know I have to tell him the truth, but I just know our friendship will end. He really wants to meet and get to know each other in person. WHAT SHOULD I DO?

— Troubled in Oregon

Dear Troubled,

Oops. Yeah, you kind of do have to own up. And here’s the thing. If he doesn’t want to be friends (or more), I betcha it won’t be because you’re not that X-10 knockout. It would be because your pictures messed around with his feelings. So in order to save face, you’re going to have to speak the thousand words that that picture didn’t: tell him you sent it before those unexpected feelings became real. Now that the feelings are real, so too will you be.

And while you’re at it, ask yourself this: why didn’t you think the true you was young enough, cute enough, brave enough? Next time you meet an IC-QT, don’t send a snapshot until/unless you’re psyched to send the real one.

Love,
Breakup Girl

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over atHappen now as well.

This week Lynn responds to Lisa, a girl who’s uncomfortable in her skin, to say the least:

I need to lose weight, at least 90 lbs… and I need to do so now. I have trouble accepting my weight and I get the feeling when I meet up with men from the Internet, it’s a big issue.

We all know it’s not that simple — to lose the weight or continue dating without the weight loss. Lynn gets to the heart of the problem, while offering practical suggestions in this weeks letter, which you can check out here. Agree? Disagree? Have your own story? Add a comment below.

Dear Breakup Girl,

This is kind of a biggie. I’m 23 years old. I still live at home with my ‘rents for financial reasons while I’m in graduate school, completing a degree in elementary education.

To get down to it, I haven’t had a date since I was 17. It’s not for want of trying. The times when I thought there was some mutual attraction, I would ask to see the person more socially, not necessarily on a date, but out. The few times that anyone has said yes over the past 6 years, it’s always turned out they were just being friendly, but were already involved with someone else. Plus, I suppose I’m not that good at reading “signals.” That takes experience, something I am greatly lacking.

Most of my friends are women, but I’ve never been able to move a friendship to a romance, nor have I really tried. I would consider it almost a betrayal of that friendship. I’m not into the bar scene, or clubs (I can’t dance). I’m not into religion, so meeting someone at church is out. I’ve tried personals, both online and off, with 0 success. For all that my best friends are women, none of them has ever set me up with someone.

Now it seems that all my friends are engaged, or involved in serious relationships (and as a consequence have little if any time to spend with me). My little sister, and my best friend’s little sister (same age, 3 years younger) are engaged. And every attractive, intelligent woman I meet seems to be married/engaged/or otherwise seriously involved. (I’m only meeting people at school and work. I hate going out by myself, and never meet anyone when I do.)

(more…)

Confused on November 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

OK, let me put this in chronological order. I’ve had a few pretty rotten relationships in my past that lasted about 4-5 years. They were basically filling in for my absent father and were pretty lousy all the way around. Then I grew up and got more particular and thought I was bonding to a better type of man. I met my S2BX when I first started grad school six years ago. I should have gone with my first impression, which was that he was an emotional leech that would just put me through an emotional ringer. But after I met him and looked into his eyes I was hooked. I did the whole “get hot and flushed” thing whenever he walked into the room. Anyway, I can accept now that we were really more or less using each other and that it would never last, and that was OK, but at the time I was sure he was my soul mate.

However, the way he chose to end it was very painful. I think it was pretty unnecessary for him to use expressions like “If I’d known who you really were I never would have married you,” and “Maybe it’s just your fate to be second best.” You see, when he went back home for a visit which I hoped would save our marriage he ended up having some bodacious fling with an old flame. Which he finally told me about 3 months later, just when I thought things were finally going to go well, and he admitted to it right in the middle of sex. Go figure. Now I realize that he said those hurtful things primarily for his own sense of closure, so that it would have to end, but he really devastated me and my self image that way.

Anyway, the real problem is this. After a few months of suicidal thoughts every single day I decided to give myself something to look forward to, to try out life again before I totally gave up. I went and visited friends again, I started writing stories again, and I decided to try dating. My S2BX and I had been completely separated for six months, and basically separating for at least 9 months. Soooo, just for fun I started looking at internet personal adds. I live in a small town and finding acceptable dates has been…um…interesting. For a few weeks it was fun, just looking around and seeing what guys said about themselves. Then I found one that didn’t make me laugh. So I wrote to him.

(more…)

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from a Really Late Bloomer, who is only starting to date now at the age of 55 …

I also have never had a girlfriend and have been on only one date in my life. Part of the reason why is because from my teens up to almost age 30, I was very shy around women. As you can imagine, when I thought of asking a girl on a date, I froze with fear. I did overcome my shyness, but by then, I had settled into a lifestyle that I was very comfortable with.

Should he finish filling out his online dating profile, or is it just too late to him? Read the full letter at Happen Magazine, along with Lynn’s wise advice, then come back here and tell us what you think below!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn responds to Solitary Sue, a 56-year-old widow having trouble finding love on line. The first problem is the men themselves — looking for hookups not relationships — and then

My second problem is that I do have a couple of disabilities. I am on oxygen for emphysema and am somewhat limited in mobility due to a severe back injury. How do I introduce that into conversation without chasing anyone off?

How can Sue present herself and find the right kind of men? Read the full letter and Lynn’s response over at Happen, then comment below.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. This Ask Lynn column is being promoted at Match on Yahoo this week…

This week Lynn answers What Should I Do in L.A. who’s stymied by a boyfriend who portrays himself as single online. But since he’s never met the women he chats with IRL, it’s not so much the cybercrime, it’s the coverup:

The first time I caught him, he said it was because he needed someone to talk to. The second time, he said he was trying to catch me cheating.

Yes, this one is more about trust issues than cheating. Read the full letter at Yahoo, then add your two cents in the comments below.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. This Ask Lynn column is being promoted at Match on Yahoo this week…

This week we have the flipside of last week’s letter: Brian is dating a woman he met online and hasn’t taken his profile down — and now he’s being accused of cheating with another online dater…

Although I never asked Rita for a date or even for her phone number, I did talk with her about life, my personality and what I want in a relationship, etc. Now I find out that both of them are friends — and that I’m in the doghouse.

So, is he cheating? Should his girlfriend be concerned? Check out the full letter and advice, then add your two cents below!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. This Ask Lynn column is being promoted at Match on Yahoo this week…

This week Lynn helps a gal who says All Confidence is Gone because she found out her boyfriend has an active profile on an online dating site…

Things have been really great between us, so I’m confused about why he’s looking elsewhere. I’m so furious right now — part of me wants to post an active profile just like he did, just to spite him.

Wait, what was she doing when she found the profile? Anyway, see how Lynn would handle the sitch by reading the full letter at Yahoo, then come back here to comment below!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. This Ask Lynn column is being promoted at Match on Yahoo this week…

This week Lynn helps Confused, who is bewildered why her new relationship isn’t moving faster

The [first] date was great … Our second date was also fantastic, and he asked me out on a third. Unfortunately, he had a business trip coming up … A day or so before he left I asked him if he would like to go to a concert after he returned from his trip; he did not reply, but I got a couple of text messages from him.

Should she actually be so confused? Read the full letter and advice at Yahoo then comment below!