A new analysis of teen sexual behavior in New York City offers some troubling/fascinating/instructive insights — and not just of the “only in New York” variety.

Published in the latest Pediatrics, the study found (for one thing) that among sexually active adolescent boys and girls, nearly one in ten had had a same-sex experience. But how many called themselves “gay”? Well, of the teens who’d had at least one same-sex partner, 38.9 percent answered “heterosexual or straight.” Which is fine in a hey-who-needs-labels sense — and hooray for experimentation, when that’s what it is — but not fine in a hey-who-needs-condoms sense. That is, the study also found that teens reporting partners of both sexes also reported higher-than-average rates of risky sexual practices, such as not using a condom during intercourse.

Hmm. Especially among those in the “I’m not really gay” camp, could there be a related sense that “it’s not really sex”? And does “I’m not really gay” stem from “Gay’s not really OK?” (“Even in New York”?) “These are kids in New York City where there’s more awareness and perhaps acceptance of non-heterosexual behavior, and you’re still finding such high reports of risk behavior and violence,” Laura Lindberg, senior research associate at the Guttmacher Institute, told the AP.

Ah yes, also violence. Students reporting same-sex partners also reported higher rates of dating violence. What’s going on there? Back to the AP:

In the absence of a new Ask Lynn column at Happen Magazine or Yahoo, we might suggest you get your Sex Advice From Men Sitting on Stoops at nerve.com.

I’m attracted to a girl I always see hanging out on a stoop in my neighborhood. How should I approach her?
Just say hello and something like, “I see you in the neighborhood all the time. Do you live here?” Ask questions and listen. Talk less. Be present. Listen for that thing you have in common that you can discuss. This girl might be a really cool person, and she might never live up to your romantic expectations, but take a moment to see.

From BG’s alter ego, writing in the New York Daily News:

What was that alligator doing running loose last weekend in Queens? Perhaps officials should question my mother.

When my father was courting her, which was back when people still said “courting,” he spent a summer teaching in Florida. That was also back when one could actually mail baby Florida alligators up North as scaly souvenirs. And so, in lieu of flowers, Dad sent one to my mom.

A teddy bear, sure. Live lobsters, yum. But an alligator? What was he thinking? What genius expert gave that dating tip? (“Fellas: Win her heart with random cruelty!”) Surely Dad knew that his intended was, like him (despite appearances), an animal lover — but with a much less sturdy constitution and a much more bleeding heart. How could he possibly have reasoned that this reptilian keepsake would give her the fuzzies? (Continued…)

To me, this represents the pure hell-of-it feel-the-force joy of humanity that could make even the most breakingupiest of us crack a(n) (Obi) wan smile:

(Real it is, young Jedi.)

Thinking of getting married? Just a small City Hall ceremony with a justice of the peace — and a therapist? Today’s your day. See this goodie from BG’s PR wire:

MEDIA ALERT

RELATIONSHIP EXPERT TO COUNSEL JUST-WED COUPLES IN FRONT OF MANHATTAN MARRIAGE BUREAU

(New York, NY) “With the escalating divorce rate it is crucial to give just-wed couples something much more fortifying than a Victoria’s Secret leopard and lace teddy,” says relationship author Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW. To kick off her mission Amatenstein, author of the just-published THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: Relationship-Saving Advice from the Top 50 + Couples Therapists , will bring along a therapist couch from Washington Square Institute in the village where she is a staff therapist.

Says the expert, “Instead of throwing rice, I’ll hand couples a book and a sheet containing the collected wisdom of the top 67 marriage counselors in the country and in some instances offer an on the spot mini-session!” Amatenstein adds, “I’m open to being a witness if called upon.”

Says Helen Fisher, author of Why Him, Why Her: The Complete Marriage Counselor “is a wonderful book…full of ideas about how to make the partnership you really want.”

WHEN: February 12, 2010 – 10 AM to 1 PM

WHO: Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW, couples counselor at Washington Square Institute and author of THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

WHAT: Romantic triage for just-wed couples

WHERE: City Clerk’s Office, 141 Worth Street

New York, NY 10013

Often couples wait until things are very bad before communicating issues that are wrong. Probably the most important bit of advice imparted by the experts who include John Gray, Harville Hendrix and Judy Kuriansky, according to Amatenstein: “It’s never too early to get a head start on your marriage…Even if that marriage is of five minutes’ duration!”

Amatenstein plans an as-yet-unscheduled visit to Las Vegas chapels, home of the quickie wedding. A second phase of her marriage-saving tour will include stops at the two top honeymoon destinations Hawaii and the Bahamas.

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Today’s NYT: Father, son, and father’s ex (son’s mother) — not to mention father’s parents, plus bonus parrot — with names like Phoenix, Mercury, and Coke Wisdom, live in super-quirky aggro-boho splendor in a vast spread in the Upper West Side’s fabled Ansonia.

“Sunny is not the first ex-girlfriend of Coke’s who has lived with us,” [Coke’s mother] said. She later added, “I think she’s quite resentful that Coke brings girlfriends home,” she said. (Dude!) “What he needs to do, in my opinion, is get a studio and sometimes have girls over there.”

But Coke’s hookups aren’t the only folks who wind up spending the night. “They take in strays,” said [a friend]. “When I say that, I mean that — dogs, cats, people. It’s just they’re totally open.”

Example:

Georgia O’Neal [Coke’s sister], now an organic farmer in Loudoun County, Va., recalled coming home after college to find a handsome, guitar-playing friend of Coke’s camped out on the living room floor. She wound up dating him for two years. “People would ask me, ‘Where did you meet your boyfriend?’ ” she said. “And I was like, ‘I met him sleeping on the floor of my parents’ living room.’”

So if you’re looking to meet someone, perhaps knock on their door? According to the Times, they’re in 11L.

Zagat, “famous” for their “indispensable” restaurant guides featuring “trademark burgundy covers” and “bajillions” of “non-ironic quotation marks,” is hopping from the barroom to the bedroom with their New York City Dating (And Dumping) Guide. Like all their books, the information is compiled through reader surveys. So what do the people of NYC say about dating in NYC? Jennifer 8. has the stats.

• Only 2 percent (thankfully!) would ask someone out on a first date via text, but as many as 10 percent would break up that way (ouch).
• 2 percent is also the number of people who would actually burn the things their ex left behind.
• Less than half would date someone outside of the NYC metro area, while sweeping majorities would look beyond race, religion or economic bracket.
• 60 percent of New Yorkers said the guy should pay on the first date (compared to 40 percent in Los Angeles).

Listen up, single New Yorkers.  Think it’s impossible to find a good worm in the biggest of apples?  Meet Sandra Schwartz-Pingrey, Founder and President of Cause & Affection Dating (formerly Cause and Effect), a matchmaking service that — like others before, but with a more individualized touch — brings together this perfect couple: dating and volunteering.

As Time Out New York reports, “a 2007 study conducted by the Corporation for National & Community Service revealed that New York’s volunteering rates ranked in the bottom three of 50 U.S. cities.”  Oof! Cause & Affection is doing its part to help improve this ranking by offering clients (screened via face-to-face interviews!  no online profiles!) a date structured around a charitable cause, such as taking shelter pooches out — together — for those proverbial “long walks.”

Soup kitchens can’t guarantee soul mates, of course, but hey: as Cause & Affection says, “Even if it goes bad…you did good.”

Last week we told you that the top five cities for meeting men over 35 were spread throughout the country (#1: San Jose, #2: Salt Lake City, #3: Raleigh). Now the New York Daily News suggests that landing a man on the Eastern seaboard isn’t as tough as all that. In fact, New York has been ranked the #2 state to land a single guy, edged out only by Washington, DC. (Hey wait! That’s not technically a STATE! No fair!) According to the News, “there are currently 3.9 million men in New York City, and 35% of them are single.” Too bad there’s also 4.3 million women also living in the city, with nearly 70% of them being unmarried. (So, um, why isn’t the article — or, like, any article ever — about the best region for meeting single WOMEN, hrmm?). Apparently, though, a little move upstate will do some additional good to your odds: in Albany, 75% of men — and 75% of women — are single. (Now does someone want to do a study on why political cities are such singlesfests?)

Meanwhile, over at CNNMoney.com: Hoboken, NJ shows the most single people with 57.7%, followed by Cambridge, MA; Somerville, MA; Berkeley, CA; and Boston, MA (hello, college town). Albany appears at #15; New York City doesn’t show up at all.

Man. If only there were some sort of map. Oh, wait.