No need for neediness on June 15, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I hope you can give me some help or at least some insight into a man’s brain. I am a 30 -year-old woman and I am fairly independent, believing in standing on my own two feet most of the time and having strong relationships based on intellect and feeling. What I keep finding is that the strong (strong inside and out), intelligent men who seem at first to be my equal are only interested in me for either “just friends” and/or sex. They don’t want a woman their equal, they want a woman who is meek and dependent, who NEEDS them all the time — almost as if the woman needed them in order to live. I do realize that people do need each other from time to time, but I am not the needy/clingy type. I have had men actually say to me, “Well, you don’t need me,” in a sad matter-of-fact tone of voice, and then dismiss me as a girlfriend altogether! What am I supposed to do, beg and say, “Oh no, I really really do need you! Please don’t go!?” I want men to realize that a woman will stay with them NO ONLY because she needs him, but because she likes him and wants to stay. So my question is, how do you show a man that you do need him but in a healthy give and take way? I don’t want to have to become a needy, clingy woman who seems to need a man 24/7 just to get a boyfriend.

— Puzzled Near the Pacific

BG’s response after the jump…

Ask Lynn is the advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), that Breakup Girl does in her mild-mannered secret identity. Same advice, less cape.

This month’s letter is from a gal who is dating a guy with an ex and child attached. He seems to be saying and doing all the right things, yet she is Afraid of baby mama drama. Is she being overly cautious or playing it just cool enough? Sound off here!

(This letter was recently posted at Happen Magazine, and you can read the comments from Karl R and stefdawn here.)

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn answers a letter from a gal who is dating a guy with an ex and child attached. He seems to be saying and doing all the right things, yet she is Afraid of baby mama drama. Is she being overly cautious or playing it just cool enough? Sound off here!

Getting it together on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been dating my neighbor for two months now. We were both in pretty bad situations to have started a serious relationship. I just moved to the area, know no one, and have a stressful job. His mother recently passed away, and he is dealing with other issues as well. I became completely dependent on him and lost all sense of myself. We have acknowledged my neediness, and have attempted to work through our obstacles, because we truly do share something special. I realize that I am in love with him, but problem is we just broke up this past weekend because I flipped out on him (again). We decided to talk things over in a week. I really want him back, and have taken steps to become more dependent on myself. I know now that I don’t need him to survive — I have a lot going for me on my own. I want us to have the loving, caring relationship we started out with, and that both of us deserve. I’ve always been a strong, stable person, but the slew of changes I’ve faced over the past months have exhibited themselves in some truly loathsome behavior and childish antics. I am embarrassed and ready to start anew. Help. How do I prove this to him?

Sincerely,
Sane, Sober and Secure

Dear Sane,

Say: “I really want you back, and have taken steps to become more dependent on myself. I know now that I don’t need you to survive — I have a lot going for me on my own. I want us to have the loving, caring relationship we started out with, and that both of us deserve. I’ve always been a strong, stable person, but the slew of changes I’ve faced over the past months have exhibited themselves in some truly loathsome behavior and childish antics. I am embarrassed and ready to start anew.”

Love,
Breakup Girl