Pushing things on October 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

There’s this guy I dated — saw him on a Monday — it goes well and I really like him so we date again the following day, he asks me to call him so we gab on the phone Wednesday and Thursday for like forever, we see each other again on a Friday and he gets to spend the night at my house. During this time I am beginning to go crazy over him. Then suddenly on Saturday morning, he decides to go, telling me “I’ll call you.” The call doesn’t come — on Saturday nor on Sunday. I decide to call Sunday and invite him to dinner and 30 minutes prior to the appointed time that Sunday evening he cancels, saying he has to take his mom to some sick friend’s house — and again there’s the “I’ll call you” at the end. I give him a call on Monday, talk a bit, no mention made about the dinner I COOKED and at the end, he says it again — “I’ll call you.” What do you think this “I’ll call you” thing means? Is that doublespeak for “go away, get out of my face, I don’t want to see you again?” Help, because I’m finding myself falling for this guy (I dare NOT call it love; I think it’s infatuation, but when I get this … I get hit BADLY). More power to ya.

— JT

Dear JT,

At the risk of legalistic hair-splitting: he said he’d call, but he didn’t say when. And you didn’t give him a chance.He leaves Saturday, and what, you expect him to call from his car phone while he’s still in the driveway? Come on. This whole affair has gone way faster than the speed of sound — the sound of a ringing phone, that is. You may have met-him-on-a-Monday-and-your-heart-stood-still, but y’all moved forward pretty quickly — contact every day, then da doo ron ron on Friday? Yee! Now look, Breakup Girl does hear about all sorts of relationships that start out like, “He came by to tune my piano … and he never left.” Fine. But those miracles tend to be mutual. You, on the other hand — you said it yourself — get infatuated.

And listen up: as intoxicating as infatuation may be, you know what else is really fun? The divine agony of … waiting. Of letting things build up. Of wanting wanting wanting what you can’t have … until next week. Of finally hearing the ringing phone sing, “Someone’s thinking of you!” I am not suggesting that you should play coy/hard-to-get as, like, a tactic. I’m suggesting that taking it slower is more delicious and satisfying for you, that it’s a way of letting yourself fall good and hard … for someone who’s gonna be there to catch you. Even when he’s got a bottle of wine and a baguette — to go with your yummy dinner — in his other hand.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Moving fast on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am currently in a relationship with a really nice guy. I told him initially that I just wanted to be friends, but he insisted that I give him a chance. I did and we are really great friends and lovers, the problem is that he lives in DC and I live in NY. He wants me to quit my job and move in with him. I love my job and I do not want to give up my job or my life for anyone. I am at the height of my career and feel that there should be some compromise on the part of both people, not just one person.

He says he agrees, but gives me this sorry excuse that he can’t move to NY. He is now talking about getting married and taking a vacation together this Christmas. He introduced me to his family, which I was not ready for at all. I have only known him for 3 months and I have expressed that I think he is moving way too fast. I have been thinking about breaking up with him, but he will not take no for an answer. I also don’t want to be rude and hurt his feelings and risk losing a great friend; but, he’s at the point where he is entirely too overbearing and pushy. Please advise.

— ATP

BG’s advice after the jump!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises a woman who fears she may be A Victim of His Past. Everything was going fine in this new relationship, but then

About two weeks ago he started becoming distant and I asked him about it. He said he wasn’t sure what was going on, but he just woke up one morning and felt like things were moving too fast.

How does this happen? Could his recent reservations stem from a previous relationship that ended badly? Read the whole saga at Happen, then come back here to comment!