I kicked my girlfriend out of my apartment at college because since we moved in together she has been sucking me dry of money. In only a month that we lived together I gave her $850.00 dollars. I feel I was the idiot. Well, now I am having a hard time having the courage to ask girls out on a date — yes, I fear rejection and honestly I have no confidence in myself to flirt or whatever. Seems like all the girls I’m interested in want the jocks or the ones with the new trucks. What should I do? I already turned down Model Search because I was still in a relationship — should I pursue that still?
— Rick
Dear Rick,
Does anyone want to tell Breakup Girl what “Model Search” is? Seems to me like we have enough of them, without having to go looking. Or, are some missing?
In the meantime, listen, Rick: you had a bum deal with that girl, and it’s made you twice-shy. But I think the balances in your security and confidence accounts might have been a little low even before then. I’m sure it was very nice of you to give her so much money, but it was also a little needy. On your part. Did you maybe think that getting an ATM card at Rick Bank was the only way she’d like you, need you, stay? You were trying, in your own way, to be the cash jock, the guy with enough money for the new truck. It’s all the same. Something to think about before you relaunch Girlfriend Search. And I’m hoping you won’t have to go looking too hard.
I’ve been in a 2-year relationship with my boyfriend and now we’ve hit that make or break point. He wants to marry me but doesn’t have the financial means yet. We’re both in our mid-20s, make decent money but still have awhile to go before we’re financially secure. He’s planning on going to grad school part time (which would mean 5 years before he would get his degree) but that would take a big chunk out of “wedding savings.” He has also has a lot of financial obligations at home and for his family.
My question is do I wait for him to get his act together or do I move on? I don’t want to be like a Christmas tree that goes bad after the 25th. My parents have been hounding us to at least get engaged but who wants to have a 5-year engagement? I feel like I really do love him (he’s my first “real” b-f) but love won’t pay the bills. I want a comfortable life with my future hubby but if he’s bringing in all this baggage into our life together before we’ve even begun, I don’t really know if I can handle it. I’ve been patient and understanding and I don’t want to lose him but maybe momma’s right and I do have to marry for money rather than love.
Please share your thoughts on this. Thanks!
— (Not a) Material Girl
First I just have to say I really enjoy reading your advice and it has helped me through some tough choices. Now I had better get to the point. I am 17 y/o female who lives in Canada and I have been “dating” a 19 y/o guy from Germany. It is an online relationship. Neither of us believed in “online love” until it happened to us. First we were friends and then one thing led to another… we have been together for a year. Anyway we both really love each other, but sometimes I feel he loves me more. I know he is great– sweet, honest, loving, funny– but for some reason I find myself overlooking those things. Lately I have been stuck on “do we have a future together” and “is he the one?” You are probably wondering why I am worrying about such major issues when we only have an “online” relationship. The answer is, in fact, he has an opportunity to come visit me in about 3 months. We had began to plan a couple other trips early in our relationship but for various reasons, namely money, things didn’t work out. I am glad that they didn’t then because I wasn’t “ready” for such a big step. Now though, the latest opportunity seems great! When I have first heard about it I was so thrilled beyond belief. But now the time is approaching that he must buy a plane ticket, etc. within the next few weeks. I am now beginning to panic. A major problem is asking my parents, whom I don’t have a very open relationship with. (Maybe Breakup Mom has some tips.) Lately (in my panic state) I have been wondering more and more about if he is “the one” and if its worth us meeting. It will cost him a few grand and his holiday time, but it is costing me nothing. Still I don’t know if we should meet. Can you PLEASE help me… I need an answer ASAP and well if you can’t help then somehow I’m going to have to decide on my own. *Scary.*
After three years together and two years of friendship my girlfriend broke up with me…over the phone. She informed me that she did not want a relationship and then refused to talk to me about it because she was late for a movie! I tried calling her later that evening and once more she refused to talk about the breakup, only saying she enjoyed being single, and hung up on me. A few days later she sent me an e-mail saying that she never said goodbye and that she needed time; our time together, she went on, was important to her, and she would never give up all the gifts and stuffed toys I had given her over the years. She told me she would call me on Thursday — well, Thursday came and went and she did not call. I worried, so I called her and her first words were, “I’m going out with someone else now and there is no chance of us getting back together.”
My boyfriend is a very talented musician (a real musician — he even plays with the symphony sometimes) but alas, very poor. I, on the other hand, work in computers and am quite successful. He feels bad when I pay for him so often, but otherwise, we wouldn’t go out sometimes when we want to. My family says dump the guy because he’ll never be a breadwinner. My friends say it is cool for the modern feminist chick to be the breadwinner. Neither viewpoint appeals to me. What do you think?
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:28 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn†columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn gets drafted by “Should I Stay or Should I Go” Jo, who’s in a pitched battle with her future mother-in-law over her military fiance’s time — and now money.
She tried to get him to co-sign on a $400,000 loan to build on her property before our wedding could happen later this year. I convinced him not to, though he said I was being selfish. I found out later that she couldn’t build on her land because of permit issues and she knew about it. … Now she is getting divorced and trying to get him to loan her $60,000!
Can Jo win this war or should she surrender? Read the full scenario along with Lynn’s marching orders over at Happen, then comment below.
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:29 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn†columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn hears from Jinxed Joan whose cursed by a layabout boyfriend that is sapping her monetary resources as well as her emotional ones…
I told him that he needs to get a job, but he says he has applied and nobody is hiring. I feel very angry when we are together because I end up paying the bills for both of us.
Can she change her slacker’s mojo, or does she just need to ward off this evil spirit? Read Lynn’s take at Happen Magazine, then add your own in the comments below.
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:23 am
Dear Breakup Girl,
I have been married for two years. I have a child of six months. My husband works a job where he is gone long hours. He expects me to stay at home and clean all the time while he gallivants after work to a bar or to drink at a friend’s house. He thinks he doesn’t have to give up any money from his paycheck so that he can have a “slush fund” for himself. I am really upset with his attitude toward our family life. Should we talk about separation?
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:38 am
Dear Breakup Girl,
Thanks for telling it like it is! You have a lot of heart too.
My question is simple but not easy. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past few months and we are already talking about moving so we can live in the same city. Unfortunately, he is in Chicago for the next two years because he just started his own business and I am living in L.A. right now.
We met in a museum in San Diego while he was on a business trip and I was out having a good time by myself after getting hurt by a dumbass ex-boyfriend. I have no money and he is offering to help me move sooner by helping me financially. I have always been a “pay my own way” kind of girl and want to work the money up myself over the next year.
However, it is excruciating (!) to consider being apart for another year. We are very in love already, he is 26 and I am 27 and we are thinking of marriage in the next few years. I intend to have my own place when I move to Chicago since I also believe in not living together until you are at least engaged (!). I love him to pieces and vice versa! We just want to be together, but I feel there is a principle here that I don’t want to break. He doesn’t see any problem with helping me move sooner. What do you think, Breakup Girl?
Filed under: Celebrities,TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:42 am
A tribute to the dear departed quirktastic Idol with a voice even bigger than her glasses.
1. Siobhan pre-Idol (say what?), in a reality web-series (come again?) about the making of her high-school’s Oz show (really??) in which she hints at family tragedy (no!!!!) and how she has to care for her little sisters (awwww!!). (This will explain her emotion on the April 6 show.)
2. Siobhan did go to college at Salem State (not making it into Berklee) (Yet Ashley Rodriguez did?), but dropped out after a semester. Her mom was laid off from the bookstore and Siobhan became the primary breadwinner. This pre-top-24 interview makes it sound like dinner is not always a certainty in the Magnus household.
e-mail to a friend in need
Lacking confidence on September 28, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
