Misunderstood on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 17 and a junior in high school. I was going out for two months with this guy named James, but how we ended up breaking up was really strange. I called him one night to ask what was wrong and he misunderstood me and thought I was trying to break up with him (don’t ask me how he got it mixed up). Anyway, when our band class went to Florida for a trip, one of my best friends hooked James up with a freshman. Everyone told me that he didn’t really like this girl (who we’ll just call Penny). But that was a month ago, and I never see the two of them together, and I actually don’t know if they were ever really going out. Anyway, prom is coming up and I really want to ask him. His best friend told me that James does not really want to spend the money to go to big dances like prom. I was going to ask him, but he and I do not talk as much as we used to. We both went our separate ways, and we don’t even say a simple “hi” to each other in the halls. But I can’t stop thinking about him and want to get back together with him. So what should I do? Should I ask him to prom, and how? How can I get back together with him? How can I start talking to him again? Please help!

— Abigail

BG’s response after the jumop!

All you wizened, still-not-“old“-yet-thank-you-very-much souls in the crowd will enjoy a mature chuckle over this list, brought to you by Tango, of bad-bordering-on-cheesy relationship mistakes (female variety).

Personally, I damn near find serenity in knowing how many of them I used to act out, having now graduated to a level of in-my-bones instinctiveness about what not to do. Such as: “Thinking our partners must be interested in everything we do, think and say”; “Putting so much energy into a fairy-tale romance that we’re disappointed with anything less“; and “Not asking for what we want in bed.” (Amen, sister!) They’re so familiar, they border on cliche — but cliches wouldn’t be cliches if they weren’t rooted in truth.

And so, if these mistakes are a thing of your present, not your past, allow me to offer up a little bon mot I’ve long held dear: “Cliches happen.” Spoken by a very wise, not-very-old, ridiculously sexy man.