Eternal questions from April 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Staying friends: mature or masochistic? My ex wants very much for us to be friends, and I’m a little torn over it. I can’t imagine not seeing or speaking to him. It would be like cutting off a limb. But I’m finding myself still hanging on his calls and e-mails. If I don’t hear from him for a week I get upset. Some of my friends think I should just take a breather from him, but I really want to stay in touch, and I have lots of friends who have nice Jerry/Elaine things with their exes. The other thing is that he left me to go back to his previous girlfriend, who he’s still with. So right now, I don’t think there’s much chance of us getting back together, much as I might dream. I also know that it always takes me a while to get over people whether I see them or not. Do you think I’m torturing myself unnecessarily?

— Lilygirl

Dear Lilygirl,

Yep. What you are pursuing right now is not friendship, it’s I Can’t Believe He’s Not My Boyfriend. Of course you can’t imagine not seeing or speaking to him right now; I mean, he was your boyfriend — I imagine you’d gotten kinda used to seeing and speaking to him. But listen, we have to be really careful about what “friends” means after a breakup … and about the best way to get there. Advice for everyone:

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Old enough now, but not on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hi! I am a senior college student, and believe it or not, my boyfriend for ten months is just a senior high school student. Dig that?

Any way, I’ve been thinking about this for quite a long time. I always get paranoid and feel insecure in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I don’t trust him anymore. Maybe because he has hurt me a lot, or he is just plain insensitive. Is it because he is still a kid? I think that sometimes, he is mature enough. Please help me.

— Betty Joy

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