Feeling second rate on October 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have this wonderful, wonderful boyfriend. We’ve been living together for over a year now, and I couldn’t be happier. We are best friends, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. The problem is, he had a girlfriend before me. Now, keep in mind that he no longer speaks to this girl (not to mention the fact that this girl is supposedly getting married, or maybe already got married) and says he doesn’t like her at all, and didn’t like who he was when he was with her. However, despite all the logical attempts I have made to overcome this, I have a raging jealousy of her. She was his first everything — girlfriend, kiss, sexual partner. They only dated for a month. Now, I realize that:

1. I am the one he comes home to now, the one that he shares things with and chooses to be with.

2. I am being incredibly petty about this.

But, this continues to bother me. Why? He doesn’t even talk to her! (How do people whose SO’s are friends with their exes ever deal…?) What can I do, BG? I’m going nuts here! I wish I didn’t know anything about her, but silly me, I insisted that he tell me stuff. (Warning to readers if you print this: DON’T ASK, you don’t want to know!)

I’ve talked to him about this, and not surprisingly, he doesn’t have many suggestions for me other than to just forget about it. That’s what my friends all tell me, too: that it’s kinda silly and I’ll get over it, don’t worry. But it’s been a long time, and I haven’t gotten over it. What can I do? PLEASE help!

Thanks ever so much. I’m a huge fan of the page… read it every Monday.

— Petty

Dear Petty,

Second hand, second-rate, second class, second fiddle. “Second” does get a bad rap, doesn’t it? And when it comes to love, our firsts are in a magical mystery class by themselves. So it’s totally normal to get a little pouty about the one who went before – especially when she’s the First Lady.

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn responds to a Jealous Girl whose boyfriend recently commented on the attractiveness of a friend of hers at a party before they started dating.

Over the three years that my boyfriend and I have been together, I’ve managed to put [30 pounds] on. I am feeling insecure about myself right now, and when he told me about his initial attraction to my friend before we met, it made me feel jealous and hurt my feelings.

Should boyfriends be finding other women attractive? How should Jealous Girl deal with her insecurity? Read the full letter at Happen Magazine, then post your own thoughts below!

Blanket of insecurity on June 8, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been dating this guy for a year. Throughout our relationship, I learned a lot of family baggage that he was dealing with day to day. He would often talk and confide in me his hurt and anger (he also has been seeking professional help). Anyway, although it’s selfish to say, his neediness gave me security in our relationship. He was making real progress with his emotions. Then, family problems took a turn for the worse, financially and emotionally. He now has put so much of his energy into his mother and younger brothers that he barely has time for me. I have been having a rough time in my personal life and he’s just not there for me the way I was there for him. I’m taking it all so personally and am a little bitter. Am I being way too selfish? I love him so much and I know he loves me. I don’t know what to do. Help –?

— Amy

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Insecurity lockdown on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

This guy I’ve been dating for five months is sweet, smart, cute, loaded, calls twice a day minimum, respects what I have to say, etc. He just can’t seem to stop mentioning how many girls have the hots for him. He’ll have a business lunch and then let on that he’s a little upset cause his lunch partner was “working him” (his term). Or, he’ll have weirdness with this girl or that cause she “kinda liked him” and he “wasn’t into it.” He makes it very clear that he’s not interested in anyone but me. I just don’t get why someone so handsome and accomplished should feel the need to point out constantly how desirable every girl on the planet finds him. I have tried to tease him gently about this but it doesn’t seem to sink in, and I don’t want to start a fight.

— Liesel

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Old enough now, but not on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hi! I am a senior college student, and believe it or not, my boyfriend for ten months is just a senior high school student. Dig that?

Any way, I’ve been thinking about this for quite a long time. I always get paranoid and feel insecure in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I don’t trust him anymore. Maybe because he has hurt me a lot, or he is just plain insensitive. Is it because he is still a kid? I think that sometimes, he is mature enough. Please help me.

— Betty Joy

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Looking for signs on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I think my boyfriend’s going to dump me. Are there any signs that I can look for to be sure?
— Confused Betty

Dear Betty,
Is this a familiar feeling? Look back over the last couple of Baldwins in your life – did you think they were going to dump you too? (Whether they did or not is beside the point.) If so, the the only important “sign” here is the one in your head that reads, “INSECURITY ZONE! I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE THIS BOYFRIEND.” And that’s one sign you should spray-paint over pretty fast.

But maybe you think he’s going to dump you because, oh, I don’t know, he doesn’t call, act happy to be with you, or treat you like the Princess Betty that you are. If so, then, with all due respect, what are you doing asking me for more signs? You’re the one who needs to put up that big billboard that says “Buh-bye.”
Love,
Breakup Girl