My problem isn’t as devastating as it could be, but its a huge deal for me.. Maybe you could give me some tips. This really isn’t to brag, but I’m considered one of the “popular girls” in my high school. What I don’t understand is why it’s so hard to find a boyfriend. No one asks me out, though I talk to a lot of guys. I’m in so many clubs, sports teams, etc. to meet people, but it just seems like all the guys would rather be friends, though they’ve never stated it, but WHY?! Before HS, I’d always thought the popular people always had boyfriends and girlfriends…and most of my friends do…even the dorks are paired up. So why not me? What can I do to show guys that I am interested?
— Dateless & Lonely Lizzy
Dear Lizzy,
The “popularity” thing reminds me of one of my favorite letters of all BG time: “Dear Breakup Girl, I’m not the most popular girl in my grade,” she began.”I’m the 5th most popular girl in my grade. And 8th in my school.” (What percentile?)
But did everyone get the big message in Miss Lizz’s letter? POPULARITY IS NOT THE ANSWER. In fact, in this case, it may be part of the problem. I wonder — and I am NOT sure about this — if maybe the boys think that you are out of their league. That you’re never just chillin, where someone can just chat with you. That Julie McCoy herself doesn’t even have time for a little shuffleboard. I am not saying that you should quit being active and doing the stuff you love. And I would never want to perpetuate a world where boys are subdued around busy, badass babes. But I wonder if you’re working the But I Am Popular! angle a bit too hard (your slightly center-stagey email handle, which I will of course not reveal, tipped me off, too). That’s the way to get a trophy arm candy boyfriend, or none at all. So between practices and rehearsals and meetings, try just kickin’ it a little more. Or asking someone out. Betcha he’ll be surprised you have the time. And the interest.
I’m a sixteen-year-old girl who had been in a relationship for 1 and half years with my “first love.” First I’ll tell you a little about our relationship. I meet him my first day of high school (he’s a year older). He was the sweetest person in the world. I was the total b*tch. He tried everything to win my heart. We became very close friends and he never gave up the chase to win me over. Finally after denying to myself for 7 months that I also cared about him, we hooked up. The relationship has always been bumpy. Mainly because were two teenagers trying to find ourselves. See, he was a total nerd when I first met him. He let everyone walk all over him. Now he has totally changed his attitude and look. We have the same exact friends. We have only gone out on two dates out entire one-and–half-year relationship. We mainly just hang out with each other in a big group of our friends.
This past summer he totally changed. Started smoking pot every weekend, started pulling away from me. I’ve been a “bad girl” in the past. I’ve done my share drugs to see what it does to people. I’ve even had friends die because of their habits. But I learned my lesson and have stayed away from drugs, except for the occasional beer, shot, etc. Another thing is I’m in a really tough part of my life. I live with my mother, stepfather and my two half-brothers. My family has never lived in the same place for more than 3 years. Because of this, I don’t have many friends and I’m a really quiet shy person. I’ve spent the past five months going to doctors, having test done to figure out my ongoing health problems. My family lives in PA; the rest of our family lives in MN. My family is losing my grandmother to Alzheimer’s. And I still can’t get over my grandfather’s death, even though it was four years ago. I really need my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) right now, but all he cares about is going out and partying. I know it’s his senior year but I really need him. See, I don’t really have any friends and he’s the pretty much the only person I can trust. But I don’t trust him when he gets high and goes out with his friends. WE had always hung out together and now he just wants to hang out with the boys. And that means going to parties where’s there’s drugs, and other girls. I guess I’m hurt that he doesn’t want to spend any more time with me. I know I’ve been a b*tch, but I have improved a lot. I don’t know what to do. He has always been my security and now he’s not there. Granted we’ve only been broken up for a week, but we’ve been broken up before. He always seems to come back, but now I don’t know if he is going to. It’s really hard to love someone so much and then all of a sudden they tell you that there’s nothing left anymore. He also has had a tough life. He works 11 hours a day during the summer and has to give his paycheck to his family. His mother is extremely strict and set in her ways. His family is pretty much poor because of a heavy debt. I know he is in the process of finding himself. I’ve also been his first kiss, first real girlfriend, etc. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so lost and all I need is him right now. I’m sorry for rambling on and on. Thank you for listening.
I have liked this guy (let’s just call him B) for about 6 months now (hey, that’s a long time when you’re 14!). He is always very sweet to me, and even though some others claim he’s a jerk, I don’t believe it. But that’s beside the point. Homecoming is coming up in a month. That seems like a very long way off, but everyone in my school is completely panicking about it, especially us freshmen. Let me digress for a moment and explain: B is in the popular crowd. I am in the semi-popular crowd. I’m one of those friendly people that’s not “bad” enough to be in the popular crowd but is still friends with them. I’m friends with the popular girls, and I try to be friends with the guys, but they don’t seem to be interested in me as anything more than a friend, if that. Anyway, yesterday B sat at my lunch table across from me. We got onto the topic about homecoming. He was complaining that everyone had been asked already. I told him that I haven’t. He said, well, everyone that he was thinking of asking had been asked (I don’t think he meant it in a mean way). He asked me who I would like to go with, and I wouldn’t tell him because I hadn’t even told my friends. He assured me that HE was my friend. The rest of the conversation isn’t that important, but I’d like to let you know that we talked the ENTIRE LUNCH PERIOD (I was so excited.). Do you think he meant this as a “I am interested in going with you to homecoming” conversation, or a “I’m really nosy so I’m trying to pump you for information” conversation? I’d like to know so I don’t let the word out that I’d like to go with him to homecoming and make a complete fool out of myself if he doesn’t like me. I’d also like to know, if this WAS actually a “interested in homecoming” conversation, how do I get him to ASK me? Or ask him? Please help, for I need some information fast!!!
— Homecoming Hell
Dear Homecoming,
I’d like to let you know that I spent your ENTIRE LETTER thinking you should go ahead and ask him.
Let me know what happens! He says yes, you write me back. He says no, you write me back. We’ll deal, girlie, no matter what happens. Fingers crossed! Good luck!
First of all, I am only 15. Which might make my problem less significant, but I am going to go ahead and tell you anyway.
My boyfriend of 6 months (who is 17 years old) just broke up with me. Needless to say, my heart is shattered. The fact that he proposed to me makes it even worse. I think he broke up with me because other things became more important. I don’t know what to do. Shortly after we broke up I discovered that I was pregnant. I miscarried. But now I can’t seem to get in touch with him. My question is, should I tell him that I was pregnant? Also when I saw him one day shortly after the breakup he told me he still loved me but he wanted to wait till I turned sixteen before we got back together. I think that is an influence from his Mom. The thing is I still love him so much. I have had offers from other guys but I feel if I go out with some one else I am betraying him in some odd way. Why? I am so confused. I want to contact him but is it wrong to make contact with him before he even tries to get in touch with me? I feel like I can’t put this whole thing to rest unless I discuss my feelings with him in private. We haven’t had a discussion more than 5 minutes long in the whole time since we broke up.
I hope I didn’t confuse you too bad, Breakup Girl. Please help me!
Okay, here I go. I am 15 years old and in high school the past few years I have only had one boyfriend. All my friends tell me that I am pretty and that I should have a lot of boyfriends but not to worry about it. Well, I am and I am begining to think that it is the way I look so I am thinking about getting plastic surgery to change the way I look so maybe I could get a boyfriend. I have been told from a few boys that they think I am pretty and nice but they would never go out with me. I have no clue why that is the way they feel. I would love it if you could help me with this little problem.
— Sunkissed
Dear Sunkissed,
Hey, can anyone help me find a photograph of Jocelyne Wildenstein on the web? Breakup Girl’s supercomputer was unable to locate one. NYers, at least, will know whom I mean. Seeing a photo of her may be just what I need to scare Sunkissed straight.
I was riding on the bus with this guy back from a school trip to DC. He sat with me, we held hands, and he tried to go up my shirt. His friends sat behind us and were talking about what we were doing and they were teasing him after the restroom break. Now I’m afraid that he’ll betray me and that my whole reputation will go down the drain as a whore. Why do the guys always blame the girls?
— Alise
Dear Alise,
DC is a really, really good place to ask that question.
Love,
Breakup Girl
PS. But seriously, here’s your civics assignment: read my rant about double standards. You’re right: it is totally no fair that his going up your shirt should (if it did) affect anyone’s “reputation,” let alone just one of yours. Listen, sweetie, try your best to stay above it all. And to have guys’ hands stay above your shirt in public places. It’s not your fault. I’m just saying.
I don’t think that anyone in this whole entire universe could understand how I feel right now. You see, I’m 14, and there’s is this boy I’m so in love with. (We’ll call him Z.) I’ve liked him ever since he moved here seven months ago. Then he started going out with this other girl, who I’m sorta friends with.
Oh Breakup Girl! My heart is so broken. I cry myself to sleep every single night. I’m the only one in my whole group of friends without a boyfriend? What’s wrong with me? I can’t be that bad! I swear, if those boys just gave me a CHANCE, I could be the best girlfriend. Nothing works. My heart is so big and loving, yet no one loves me. I’m so lonely.
As for Z, well, I really can’t get over this. When I asked him out in the beginning of the year he said no because he didn’t know me that well. But he didn’t know the girl he’s going out with now AT ALL! It’s not fair. I truly LOVE him, with all my little shattered heart, I love him. I can hardly sleep, eat, or anything. I would do anything…anything for him to just love me. I know it sounds crazy, but we were meant to be. I saw them hug and I went bawling. It kills me. )=
Please help me. I don’t even love myself, all I do is pretend…pretend to be happy. I’m glad me and Z are friends, but I love him. I don’t know what to do….I wish I could just tell him, but then his girlfriend would be soo mad at me. I’m so nice — i swear, I could really love him….if I just got a chance– ya know?
Why does no one give me chance? Why should I have to be so lonely? What should I do? It’s so hard to face him. I just wish he could love me the way I love him.
Filed under: News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 6:09 am
Ripped from the headlines! Turns out our True Confessions retrospective last week has a breaking-news counterpart: efforts to reprint a Massaponax, Virginia high school yearbook in order to remove anonymous R-rated secrets and confessions scattered throughout the pages (along with “quotable quotes,” sometimes [mis-?]attributed, often containing sexual innuendo). Such as:
“I have sex with people just to feel wanted.”
“I worry all the time my ex-boyfriend will use the naked picture I sent him to ruin my life.”
“I had an abortion and my mom doesn’t know.”
“I’m pregnant with my best friend’s boyfriend’s kid.”
Much of the ensuing uproar seems to have focused on the content as “inappropriate,” with parents scandalized and administrators rushing to defend the school as a place where a lot of “good” things happen, too. To be sure, stuff like “I smoked so much pot I woke up high” pretty much is inappropriate for the yearbook. But to me, this is not (just) about keeping “treasured high school memories” clean and pretty. It’s about listening to — to the degree the confessions are true; but why wouldn’t they be — what may constitute, in part, an end-of-year cry for help. If the grownups involved trade their whiffs of moral outrage for a bit more of this, from the principal — “If these things are going on, we want to be supportive and we want to help those students and provide them with appropriate resources” — then future Massaponax graduates might be more likely to succeed.
Way back in sheesh, 1999, long before we could embed video, we (specifically, Mikki Halpin) reviewed FOBG Sarah Jacobson’s Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More, “an amazing coming-of-age story…about the slow, sputtering start of sexuality and self-awareness.” (More: “You thought the sex-in-a-car scene in Titanic was hot? Wait until you see this one! Not to mention the masturbation scenes, the sex-in-a-graveyard scene, the how-I-lost-my-virginity-scenes, the coming-out scene, and the “What is a clitoris?” speech. Plus comedic relief from Jello Biafra!”) Tragically, the brilliant Sarah died in 2004 at the age of 32.
Now — tomorrow, in fact — in Sarah’s much-celebrated memory, Mikki and friends present:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FABULOUS SARAH JACOBSON
An evening to honor DIY filmmaker Sarah Jacobson
And a benefit for the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant
February 15, 2010
7 pm doors, 8 pm show
Glasslands Gallery, Brooklyn, NY
On Monday, February 15, 2010, filmmakers, punk rockers, feminists, and musicians will gather to remember filmmaker Sarah Jacobson (1970–2004). The evening will include an appearance from Sarah’s mother Ruth Jacobson, and her sister Lee Jacobson. There is a $5 suggested donation at the door, and all proceeds will go to the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant, which supports independent young women filmmakers.
Sarah Jacobson (1971–2004) was a a filmmaker who wrote, produced, and directed several movies in the 1990s, including “Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More†and “I Was a Teenage Serial Killer.†Sarah’s films reflected her punk sensibilities, her feminist beliefs, and her dedication to DIY principles. She and her mother Ruth Jacbson brought “Mary Jane†to the 1997 Sundance festival, and it was named by Film Threat as one of the “25 Underground Films You Must See.†Sarah was active in the music scene and directed several music videos, including one for Man… or Astroman? She died in 2004 at the age of 32.
After her death, filmmaker Sam Green and Sarah’s mother established the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant for young women “whose work embodies some of the things that Sarah stood for: a fierce DIY approach to filmmaking, a radical social critique, and a thoroughly underground sensibility.†Since 2004, the grant has been awarded to eight filmmakers: Marie Losier, Natasha Mendonca, Kara Herold, Gretchen Hogue, Joanna Dery, Vanessa Renwick, Ellen Lake, and Veronica Majano.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Sarah Jacobson†will celebrate Sarah’s life and work. It also launches the grant cycle for 2010 and information about applying for the grant will be available at the event and on the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant website.
The evening will begin with a short screening of samples of previous grant winners and two of Sarah’s short films. Filmmaker Barbara Hammer and Sarah’s mother Ruth will then speak and introduce “Mary Jane’s Not a Virgin Any More.†The evening will also include video tributes from Sarah’s fans and friends including Kathleen Hanna, Allison Anders, Tamra Davis, Sam Green, George Kuchar, Michelle Handelman, and Craig Baldwin.
Glasslands is located at 289 Kent Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11211
[L] to Bedford, [J] to Marcy
My boyfriend and I were together for 8 1/2 months, quite a feat for two seniors in high school. We broke up not too long ago, but the relationship has really been over for longer than that. At the beginning, everything was wonderful. He was different from the typical guy that I was attracted to, but that was part of the attraction. Eventually, we decided to have sex– something that I had always wanted to wait until marriage for. But after many, many make out sessions and many, many conversations on how to protect ourselves, and many, many “I love you”s, I changed my mind. Sex wasn’t something that I actually enjoyed a whole lot, because basically, I just felt really mad at myself for giving into something when I had felt so strongly about remaining a virgin until marriage.
Anyway, after our decision to bring sex into the relationship, I became extremely emotional (my guess is that it was because of the strong attatchment to him combined with my troubled thoughts and possibly some side effects to the Pill). I didn’t want to be with him any longer because all it did was remind me of how I had let myself down.
So, after two months of “trying to make things work” and a lot of tears, we broke up. I thought that it would feel horrible and it did, but only for a few days. I realized that I was better off now (no more guilt) and that we would always stay friends… which basically is what we had become by the end of the relationship.
All right, oh wise Breakup Girl, here is my question. “Jeff” called me a few days ago and asked me if I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him. He says that V-Day is a day to spend time with someone special and that I am that someone–his best friend. So I am wrestling with my heart and mind, which are extremely conflicting at the moment. What do I do? I would love to spend the day with him (the plan would be to go out to lunch or dinner and maybe a movie), but I am afraid that we would do something stupid and get back together — something that I don’t want right now. He is my best friend, on the other hand, and it would be good to see him and just hang out. Breakup Girl, please help!
e-mail to a friend in need
Popularity contested on November 9, 1998…
Tough choices on 
