Blindsided on October 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently ended a relationship with my girlfriend of four years. Things were always pretty damned good and I was happy with us, and she told me she was always happy with us. I mean I knew this girl inside and out, I always knew what she was thinking. I thought, “Hey cool. She’s the one for me. I found her. I’m a lucky one.” A couple of weeks ago we spent some time apart. She went off to the beach with three of her friends. Before she left we kissed and hugged and told each other how much we loved one another. When she got back, I was oh so excited to see her, but instead I got, “Ummm… we gotta talk.”

Yada yada yada. She broke up with me, and she took it pretty damn well. Didn’t even shed a tear. I was crushed. I vomited for days. Couldn’t eat a thing. Couldn’t sleep. My girl that went down to the beach was a complete 180 from the girl that came back. I still haven’t gotten any closure to the whole thing. Her reasons for the break-up were pretty vague. And this isn’t one of your “let’s separate and in the future who knows.” kind of break-ups. It was a “We will never be together ever again but we can still be good friends” kind of break-up.

I’ve been going through all the stages. The desperate “why oh why” stage. Then the denial stage. Then the anger stage, and so on and so forth. Now I’m just plainly at the “Huh?” stage. I have at least three friends who have had a similar experience and they have friends with the same experiences. To this day they are all still dumbfounded.

My questions are:

1) What is this “phenomonon” where the girl wakes up one day and her mind is completely changed without any warning? You’re a girl. Explain this to me.

2) Just as an aside, FOUR YEARS! I know, I know, “Better four than ten.” But what if I get into another relationship like this and I waste another four-plus years of my life?

— Totally Bewildered

BG’s answers after the jump!

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently started dating this girl and I like her very much. But everytime I see her she insists on bringing her best friend along. She expects me to bring a friend to keep her friend company. I didn’t mind this the first few times but now it is way outta hand. When she calls me she has her bestfriend on three-way. Plus she tells her best friend everything about our relationship and I feel that some things should be left between us. How do I let her know this without offending her?

— Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Yeah, well, as three-ways go, that’s not so much the kind that people fantasize about. Bringing A Friend — on a date, never mind a phone call – almost always means Take a Hint. But I wonder if in this case, we might want to reinvent the third wheel.

She (they) does (do) call you; she does want you to bring a friend for the Friend (thus upgrading her from Chaperone). Except for the telephone part, there’s something about it that’s a little Jane Austen/Edith Wharton — you know, where it’s unseemly for a single woman to be alone with a man to whom she is not betrothed, or with whom she is not having an affair.

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