The days of our lives, including October 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

This past year my life could have been a soap opera of the popular kind. It has included all of the standard characters; the bitch (me), the poor, explioted b/f (my ex), the hunky-but-mean crush (my HUGE mistake). Well, that’s the characters, now to the plot.

Me and my bf (let’s call him John) had been together for 1.5 years with everything that includes; almost breaking up, getting back together, going on vacation together, visiting his family who lives more than 1000 km from here, you know, all the pair-things. But then one day in all my stupidity and ignorance, I cheated on my bf. To my defence I will only say that this other hunky-but-showed-out-to-be-unbelievably-selfish guy is one who I had had a crush on a while before my bf and I got together, and my feelings for this guy weren’t totally non-existing (but mind you, I was NOT in love with him, it was just a stupid mistake; actually the biggest mistake of my life so far…). I would also like to stress that it was a no-sex thing, just kissing-and-clothes-on. I am not trying to excuse what I did, I am not proud of it. But as John is quite conservative on this, the whole thing ended with us breaking up, and me being THE BITCH.

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Better off on September 7, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Im 13 and probably about 10 pounds over weight. I was going out with this guy when i gained the weight, than he dumped me because he said I was too fat! But like the next week he started dating this other girl who (no offense) is a lot “bigger” than me. So when ( and if ) i lose the weight should I try to make up with him or just drop it?

— A Little Over the Top

Dear Little,

Drop it. The boy, not the weight.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Pining on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated this girl in high school for 2 years. We were deeply in love but we broke up under stressful circumstances. Let’s just say we got in trouble with the law, and we split up. Well, it has been about 6 months since and we are at different colleges now. We have recently been talking on the phone and we have put all the bad things in the past. She is now dating someone, but she tells me it isn’t serious, which I believe because she has known him for like a month. I have dated around some but I am still in love with her, and her roommate tells me she is still in love with me and she talks about me all the time. When I see her next at X-mas I want to tell her how I feel and try to get back together with her. Can you help me figure this out or do you have any advice for me?

— Matt

Dear Matt,

Oooh, was she the Mousketeer? No, wait, you’re too young. Also, Christmas is too late. If you’re going to tell her how you feel, do it now (phone is fine), before they’ve been going out for much more than a month — and before they seal a de facto deal with a misty, mistletoey winter- break goodbye. Yes, poaching will get you in trouble with BG Law, but the loophole here is that Major Relationship Severed Mostly by Circumstance trumps One-Month Something-or-Other.

Hope things work out. And no more, like, crime, okay? If anything, what you should get in trouble with next is the distance.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Reunited, and if feels so good — FOR THEM — on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, I consider myself an intelligent girl. And I am not the type to kid myself over unattainable men. BUT, three years ago I was dating a man who I had been friends with for six years. He had just broken off an engagement, and I was well aware of his being on the rebound. I was newly divorced and not looking to get serious, so it seemed like a good situation for us both. I, however, fell in love . . .hard. And after six months, he left me to reunite with the ex. Well, I considered this a lesson learned: convenient mutual sexual attraction and broken hearts do not make a healthy foundation for a relationship. No more looking for a port in a storm for me. One year later I began seeing a man who I thought was a real possibility for a LTR. We were, I thought having a great time. And I still believe that I wasn’t kidding myself. He was the pursuer from the beginning. Six months into dating, and only one month after having become lovers (so, I can’t believe this was just sex for him to kill time during breakup recovery), he stands me up for a date. I was shocked. He called the next day and tells me he has been in love with his former girlfriend all this time, who he has not mentioned more than in passing in our six months of dating, I swear. Well, she had called him and wanted to talk. One thing led to another and they were reunited. Bye bye. Last month, I met a man, lots in common, great sense of humor, easy to talk to. We go out on our first date, and in the middle of dinner, he starts telling me about his ex. She had called him the previous week and he thinks they may be able to work things out. I feel like Charlie Brown trying to make a field goal! At least the wait is growing shorter with each round.

So my question is, am I completely deluded, or have I got some magical power for the reuniting of former lovers? Find myself a guide book on Reality and How to See It, or open my own business . . .

— Proprietor: Peaches and Herb Escort Service

BG’s discusses Rebound Conduct after the jump!

A happy ending from July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl

My letter was published in your “Prom” series. I don’t really have a question, just an update! As of last week, I am back together with Brendan! It seems that he had not really moved on, but was really just confused and needed some time…that girl he was seeing was, in his words, a “huge mistake.” I just thought I would share this with other Breakup Girl readers to prove that love CAN happen the second time around AND be two times better! Thanks for listening Breakup Girl, a nand don’t worry, just because I am no longer a “breakup girl” doesn’t mean I will not be visiting your site, because I will! IT is the the best!

— Jolene

Dear Jolene,

Who-hoooo!

Love,
Breakup Girl

Falling backward on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I broke up about three months ago, his choice, not mine. After the obligatory period of avoiding each other (while he hooked up with somebody else and I pined away for him), we’re finally becoming friends again. Now, he and and his new girlfriend are having problems, and he’s turning to me to both advise and comfort him with that and other issues. I consider myself mostly over him, but I know that it would take very little from him for me to fall head over heels–again. I know that some part of me is hoping that his aim is to hook up with me again, but I also know I’m only causing myself future trouble by allowing that thought at all. But the way he’s acting around me does seem to indicate some kind of more-than-friends interest. To complicate things further, we’re both going off to college in the fall. So do I allow myself to have dreams of a summer fling (the current girlfriend won’t be around much longer), or do I firmly squash them? It’s unlikely that I’ll find someone else this summer, so it’s not like I’d be putting my life on hold for him. What do I do?

— Wary and Wondering

Dear Wary,

No way should should he be turning to you for advice on your successor. Taaaa-cky, no fair. Forget the fix; you need to chill with your real friends before you go away. I am thus going to echo you and use a word that summer’s zealous overplanters and their neighbors usually wind up with way too much of:

SQUASH.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Misunderstood on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 17 and a junior in high school. I was going out for two months with this guy named James, but how we ended up breaking up was really strange. I called him one night to ask what was wrong and he misunderstood me and thought I was trying to break up with him (don’t ask me how he got it mixed up). Anyway, when our band class went to Florida for a trip, one of my best friends hooked James up with a freshman. Everyone told me that he didn’t really like this girl (who we’ll just call Penny). But that was a month ago, and I never see the two of them together, and I actually don’t know if they were ever really going out. Anyway, prom is coming up and I really want to ask him. His best friend told me that James does not really want to spend the money to go to big dances like prom. I was going to ask him, but he and I do not talk as much as we used to. We both went our separate ways, and we don’t even say a simple “hi” to each other in the halls. But I can’t stop thinking about him and want to get back together with him. So what should I do? Should I ask him to prom, and how? How can I get back together with him? How can I start talking to him again? Please help!

— Abigail

BG’s response after the jumop!

Keeping up appearances on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has been really busy lately and things haven’t been going well. (Busy with soccer, work, scouts, church, etc.) I still love him a lot but I think he is uncertain of his feelings for me and broke up with me. I have been trying really hard to be cheery around him (it’s working quite well) so that he won’t feel powerful over me and I’m trying to make him like me again and realize what he’s missing out on. If you could help me find ways to get him back, I’d appreciate it a lot. I smiled at him and said “hi” in the halls today at school and he’s looking about how I feel (he looked upset — sad/angry/depressed — I couldn’t really tell but he was surely upset). Also, I’m a freshman and he’s a junior and he asked me to prom about a month ago. I’ve got the dress, the shoes, the hair appointment, and when he broke up with me he said he still wanted to go but I don’t know if I should or not. Do I go with him as friends? I am not sure he even wants to go — maybe he’s just being nice. And what if I end up going and have a terrible time or realize how much I miss him and start crying? Please help. Thanks.

— Lisa

BG thinks outside the corsage box after the jump

S.N.A.F.U. on April 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Cindy and I lived together, off and on (due to the Military) for two and a half years. About six months ago I told her that I wanted to move out and live on my own. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her; I just felt like I was losing my own self. Well I went away for a month in October, and when I got back we finally broke up. The problem is that I still love her. She says that she loves me, but doesn’t trust me. I understand this, and I also understand how much I hurt her. But I love her with all my heart and she’s the only one for me. I try to make some excuse for either seeing her, or talking to her, every day. That’s really not hard to do, since we have a dog together, and I guess we kind of share joint custody. She seems to get really annoyed with me some times, and when I ask her if she can see us having a future together again, she says she doesn’t know. This is from someone who wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and someday have kids. I don’t want to be with anyone else, and I feel like I’m empty with out her. But am I fooling myself? Should I just give up and go on with my life? Or is there some hope for me? I know that I’m not perfect, and have some major flaws in my personality. But if you really love someone, shouldn’t you be able to over look those flaws?

— KC

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High school drama from January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I really like this guy who dumped me like three months ago. And I asked him why and I got like five different answers. I don’t know which one to believe. And I really like him a lot. I tried to ask him out personally, but I chickened out and had someone else do it. He just says no or drops the subject or something. Someone asked him why he wouldn’t go back out with me and his answer was “Because…just because. I gotta go.” How should I go about getting him back? Or should I just forget about him (which would be pretty hard)?
— Confused

Dear Confused,
Guys, guys, guys: STOP HAVING OTHER PEOPLE ASK PEOPLE OUT/BREAK UP WITH PEOPLE FOR YOU. Also, no notes. These procedure never work accurately or efficiently! I know they are all standard forms of high school dating communication, but if you ask me, they should have gone out with the rotary phone. I bet you the kids on “Dawson’s Creek” don’t do dumb stuff like that! Then again, they’re all dating grownups. But still.
Love,
Breakup Girl