Asking the wrong question on October 5, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

How do I know if I’m being irrational about an issue? My boyfriend never calls in advance to make plans for the weekend … he’ll call a couple hours before to ask me if I want to hang out. He’s 25, I’m 21, and we have been together for 6 months. When is it time to drop him and move on or continue putting in the effort?

— Renee

Dear Renee,

Okay, that’s really annoying. Here’s the question: when he calls, are you still there?

I mean, it’s possible that he’s one of those people who sucks at making plans. It’s also possible that he’s using you as Plan B, waiting to see what else might materialize before he calls his steady. Well, don’t be so goddamn steady. Make your own plans, with or without him. I’m not saying some fake girlpower thing like, “Teach that boy a lesson, girlfriend!” But I am saying that if you are always available at the last minute, you’re doing what people with and without psychological credentials call “enabling.”

‘Cause the other question is this: when you do go out, is he really there with you?

(more…)