I know the authorities think otherwise, but I’m sorry — REALLY SORRY — to say: this woman (PDF) seems pretty credible. (We do not know for sure what happened, of course. But this is highly unsavory on its face.) Crikey, who is left?!

For the love of God, Franken, keep it in your pants.

Doubt sets in on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I fell in love with a 3-year-old (not literally) and I thought he was my knight in shining armor. I was seriously disillusioned the other day and now I’m not sure how to feel. Help!
— Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Standards, yes. Larger-than-life expectations, no. Listen, sistren, we have to relate to boyfriends as bonuses in our lives, not as Bob Villas who are going to spackle and caulk and make it look like everything’s all pretty and together. When we think, “Oh, if I can just have this boyfriend, then my life will be complete, world suffering will cease, and Buffalo will win the Super Bowl,” then of course disillusionment strikes — maybe even in the wrong place and for the wrong reason. So chalk this one up to “Whoops!” and start looking for someone whose personality type falls somewhere between the age three and medieval.
Love,
Breakup Girl