Rushing things on November 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m 20…and I recently became a widow…my husband was 24…and we have a one year old daughter. He and I were together for almost 2 years. Towards the end…our marriage was on really rocky ground..and I wanted out…but things changed when he all of a sudden died. What I’m curious about is…when is it appropriate to start dating again? I loved my husband…but wasn’t in love with him at the end. I’m anxious to jump out there again, but I’m really worried how my family and friends will react. How long do I live the part of the grieving widow in mourning..? Rather than the grieving widow who needs to get on with her life? Help!

–Lauren

BG’s answer after the jump!

Afraid to date on June 15, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am having a serious problem that so far no one has been able to help me with. I was going out with this guy I met at college for a while…we got serious and he started hanging out with a gang. I don’t condone gangs, and I kinda think they are stupid, so we got in a big fight about it and he moved out. I never saw him again. What happened is the gang leader decided that he was a “narc” and he killed him. The gang leader was at one time my friend, he and I got in a big argument cause I told the girl he was dating, my best friend, that he had some odd beliefs. Like he thought he was a witch, and he drank human blood (vampire). She was very concerned and broke up with him instantly. He threatened to kill me and told me he would get me back and hurt me more than I ever hurt him…well he killed my boyfriend…I think he succeeded. But here’s my problem…every time I start to see a new guy, I can’t get over the fact that I am afraid that he’ll get hurt because of me. I know that the gang leader is in jail, but still I always get scared that the guy will get hurt because of something I do or say. It’s so hard for me to explain to the guy that I am scared for his life, because I would sound like a nutcase! I probably do sound like a nutcase…but I can’t help the way I feel about my poor BF…I miss him, and I don’t know who else I can turn to….can you give me any advice on how to deal with my concerns? Thanks.

— AJ

Read BG’s advice after the jump…

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from Confused Christina, who suddenly and tragically lost her first true love at age 22 and is still struggling with the loss…

And ever since he died, I have tried rather excruciatingly to date and be happy with someone else. I’ve gone on dates over the past three years with at least 30 guys and none of them have ever had the spark or made that connection that I had with my deceased first boyfriend.

Is Christina truly ready to be back out there? Has she just not met the right guy? Read the full letter at Happen, then come back here to offer your own insight in the comments below.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises a gal who has become close with the boyfriend of her friend who died of cancer. Now that its turning romantic, she worries what others will think:

we also have another friend who was best friends with the deceased and she seems upset by the fact that we like each other and are becoming romantic.

Obviously she should be sensitive to the friend’s feelings, but, as her signature puts it, “Do I Have To Lose Him, Too?” Read Lynn’s advice at Happen, then tell us in the comments how you would handle this less than ideal situation.

Taking stock on January 4, 1999…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I seem to be suffering long-term effects from a breakup that occurred in May of this year. We started dating in January, he was very warm, caring, called every day, brought flowers and wine whenever he came to see me. Told me everyday that he was thinking about me. We were very hot together.

I knew he was going through a divorce shortly after we started dating. I know that’s the big #1 no-no in dating. I just waited for 2 years after my divorce for a man just like him to come into my life. I was ready to fall for someone.

Several problems happened during the early part of our relationship: one of his parents died unexpectedly and he was suffering massive guilt after that. His divorce took a very nasty turn for the worse. My life was making great improvements all the way around.

In April, he started to tell me that he needed time to think. I let go for a couple of weeks and then he wanted to see me again. I saw him once and told myself that this was the last time I would ever see him again and I used it as a way to say goodbye to him inside myself. We never said goodbye.

(more…)

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly, so now you’ll get two new letters each month, starting with…

1. Do I Have To Lose Him, Too? has become close with the boyfriend of her friend who died of cancer. Now that its turning romantic, she worries what others will think…

Via Boing Boing: A new dating site for the terminally ill called Till Death Do Us Part. Though there’s a bit of gallows humor, it does not appear to be a hoax; also does not appear to have tons of members (yet?).

As marketing director Joseph DiAngelo said in a press release, “This site is designed to cut through the superficiality and embrace issues we think are most meaningful — the desire and need for understanding, compassion, empathy and comfort between human beings facing their greatest challenge.”

My immediate response: “Wow, what a wonderful idea, compassionate and… pragmatic. No one should feel like they can’t meet a mate. No one should feel like they have to be alone.” It reminded me of my dear, terminally ill friend who said her first thoughts when she heard the doctor’s bad news were: “Who will want me now? Who can love me? Will I have to die alone?”

So I think this service is a good thing. I mean … right?

Then again …

What about all the nasty ways scammers can get to these vulnerable people who brave putting themselves out there?

What about death groupies and fakers? (Two words: Fight Club.)

What about gold diggers who aspire to be merry widow(ers)?

What about the terminally ill being ghettoized into “their own website”? It’s not necessarily as if “no one else will have them.”

The truth is, my terminally ill friend is far braver than I. She’d probably say hey, nothing good comes without risk (and: hey, people like me already know all about scammers and weirdos). Perhaps at very least — regardless of what one thinks of this site — it might remind the hale and hearty among us to joke a little less flippantly about “dying alone.”