Taking stock on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I can seem to meet men only in the fall or winter of each year and they never, ever last past three months (into the New Year). This has happened to me with almost all of my potential relationships — the ones that I thought would last. I try to find men in the spring, but my aura must be in hibernation. Is having this three-month limitation normal and what can I do to curb it?

— Clueless

 
Dear Clueless,

I’m thinking that sometime maybe in early February, your relationship sees its shadow and thus decides it’s gonna last — for only about six more weeks. Other than that, I can’t really account for the particular seasonal patterns in your relationship almanac, but I will say that three months does seem to be the normal human relationship gestation period. For some reason, that’s as long as it generally takes to get to know someone well enough to decide that that’s, well, enough. If you need proof that it’s not just you, let’s just say you wouldn’t believe how many letters I get that start off just like the next few do.

So there’s really nothing for you to “do” to “curb” your tendency. It’s more about the mysterious internal rhythm of relationships than it is about your, um, “aura.” But listen, Clueless, spring is almost here. Don’t let this hibernation thing become a self-fulfilling forecast.

Love,
Breakup Girl

The more things change on February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have reached the conclusion that current societal trends suggest that most decent relationships last on average three years. Do you agree that in opposition to the 50’s, contemporary GenX people will therefore exist in a string of three-year relationships and in a constant cycle of grieving and happiness?

— Cross-Eyed and Well-Spun

 
Dear Cross-Eyed,

Are you talking about current societal trends, or are you talking about your current societal life? Anyway — and either way — don’t think for a minute that people in the 50s did not exist in a constant cycle of grieving and happiness (if you remember, it was “Happy Days,” not “Happy Life“). Just because dating procedures were clearer and the institution of marriage appeared more stable, the world — and relationships — were hardly problem-free (McCarthy, Rosa Parks, hydrogen-bomb-building, women “getting pinned,” whatnot). So instead of falsely idolizing times gone by, let’s exist in a constant cycle of grieving and happiness today.

Love,
Breakup Girl