First I just have to say I really enjoy reading your advice and it has helped me through some tough choices. Now I had better get to the point. I am 17 y/o female who lives in Canada and I have been “dating” a 19 y/o guy from Germany. It is an online relationship. Neither of us believed in “online love” until it happened to us. First we were friends and then one thing led to another… we have been together for a year. Anyway we both really love each other, but sometimes I feel he loves me more. I know he is great– sweet, honest, loving, funny– but for some reason I find myself overlooking those things. Lately I have been stuck on “do we have a future together” and “is he the one?” You are probably wondering why I am worrying about such major issues when we only have an “online” relationship. The answer is, in fact, he has an opportunity to come visit me in about 3 months. We had began to plan a couple other trips early in our relationship but for various reasons, namely money, things didn’t work out. I am glad that they didn’t then because I wasn’t “ready” for such a big step. Now though, the latest opportunity seems great! When I have first heard about it I was so thrilled beyond belief. But now the time is approaching that he must buy a plane ticket, etc. within the next few weeks. I am now beginning to panic. A major problem is asking my parents, whom I don’t have a very open relationship with. (Maybe Breakup Mom has some tips.) Lately (in my panic state) I have been wondering more and more about if he is “the one” and if its worth us meeting. It will cost him a few grand and his holiday time, but it is costing me nothing. Still I don’t know if we should meet. Can you PLEASE help me… I need an answer ASAP and well if you can’t help then somehow I’m going to have to decide on my own. *Scary.*
OK, BG. I’m taking the plunge. I’ve never done this before. I’m an advice lady virgin. But I’m so confused, I’m about to start eating with my elbows.
My boyfriend has as all the basics, the ones that matter. He’s kind, caring, giving, sensitive, mad about me. And he’s moving far, far away. He wants me to follow him. The living with him part sounds good and relaxing and safe to me, it feels like it would take the long distance pressure off us. Part of me really wants to give this relationship that chance. I’ve been toying seriously with the idea of following him.
Now, suddenly, I’ve started flirting with someone else, let’s call him Mike, via email. I know I’m flirting, although I did mention to Mike that I have a boyfriend. I have never met Mike. Repeat: Never met. This pathetic schoolgirl crush is entirely intellectual and virtual. But, at this point, I get more actual reality butterflies in my stomach from seeing this other person’s email address in my Inbox than from seeing my boyfriend show up on my doorstep. We’ve only been dating a year. I do love him. But shouldn’t we still be in the mooshy, if not butterfly, stage?
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:00 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn†columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn advises a Confused Soul who is wondering if she can make things work with a guy she met online that is an admitted online flirt. In fact, they broke up over it, but now …
Now it seems he wants to revive things with me. He says he never cheated on me or really liked anyone. He says he talks to tons of girls during a typical week but that doesn’t mean anything.
Should she give him another shot? Read the letter at Happen along with Lynn’s advice, then come back here to comment!
I have a problem with my husband. He was spending 10 to 14 hours a day on the computer, talking in chat rooms to other women. They sent him pictures. One day, I found him having cyber-sex. It was bad enough that he was spending so much time in chat rooms, ignoring me, and his son, but then to find out he was doing this really hurt me. I found out the name of the person that he had cyber sex with, and told her how I felt. She yelled at my husband. Then he had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her! That really hurt! Why should I owe anyone an apology? I was the one who was hurt, and just stated my feelings. He says I am too jealous. I’m not thinking that he would ever run off with this person, but it just hurts that he spent so much time typing to her, and other women, for so many hours every day, and ignored me and his son. What do you think?
“A spectacularly campy ‘Scopitone‘ music number featuring Joi Lansing from 1965 which appears to be a cautionary tale about the perils of online dating, or spiders, or both.”
Filed under: News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:04 am
Formerly arrow-straight eHarmony.com “has come out of the closet,” the L.A. Times reports. As BreakupGirl.net noted in November, the website, which has eHarmonized only male-female couples since its inception in 2000, is launching a gay matchmaking service. The catch, as the L.A. Times put it: “EHarmony’s new relationship with the gay community is more like a shotgun wedding.” How so? Because the company agreed to start the gay service only as part of a settlement with the New Jersey attorney general in the wake of a discrimination suit.
Which makes BG wonder even harder about the name of the new venture: CompatiblePartners.com. No, yeah. Really. What went on in that meeting? Did no one raise a hand and say, “But wait, aren’t the gays more … sparkly?” Did that name edge out Meh.com?* Plus: though the L.A. Times reports the site’s up as of yesterday, well, go look. Urrr? As of this posting, anyway, it’s totally still just a placeholder.com.
I mean, does someone over there want this to fail?
Via Boing Boing: A new dating site for the terminally ill called Till Death Do Us Part. Though there’s a bit of gallows humor, it does not appear to be a hoax; also does not appear to have tons of members (yet?).
As marketing director Joseph DiAngelo said in a press release, “This site is designed to cut through the superficiality and embrace issues we think are most meaningful — the desire and need for understanding, compassion, empathy and comfort between human beings facing their greatest challenge.”
My immediate response: “Wow, what a wonderful idea, compassionate and… pragmatic. No one should feel like they can’t meet a mate. No one should feel like they have to be alone.” It reminded me of my dear, terminally ill friend who said her first thoughts when she heard the doctor’s bad news were: “Who will want me now? Who can love me? Will I have to die alone?”
So I think this service is a good thing. I mean … right?
Then again …
What about all the nasty ways scammers can get to these vulnerable people who brave putting themselves out there?
What about death groupies and fakers? (Two words: Fight Club.)
What about gold diggers who aspire to be merry widow(ers)?
What about the terminally ill being ghettoized into “their own website”? It’s not necessarily as if “no one else will have them.”
The truth is, my terminally ill friend is far braver than I. She’d probably say hey, nothing good comes without risk (and: hey, people like me already know all about scammers and weirdos). Perhaps at very least — regardless of what one thinks of this site — it might remind the hale and hearty among us to joke a little less flippantly about “dying alone.”
This Christmas I’ve been naughty AND nice. Two problems plague this romantic heart. I’ve been “nice” and supportive of an internet friend for two years now, the shoulder and the punching bag through thick and thin and foggy. We’ve met, declared long distance love on the eve and morn of our virginity, and been hunky-dory up till the twelve days before Christmas. But now the stuffing in my stocking is in another the-world-hates-me spin. My patience wears thin.
Now your favorite, the “naughty.” She’s 17, I’m 26 [you sigh here]. Girlfriends have been very rare on the granted end of my wish list (see: 26, virgin until recently) and the charm of this first girl only just began to wear thin/thick. Until now it’s been two kindred souls gulfed only by age and distance. I know my patience will be rewarded if I can only get back into the spirit of past, present and future, but it’s so difficult sometimes loving someone through monosyllables and gloomy glums. Time and experience will solve our yule-tide blues, but what can this elf do in-between seasons?
I have met a guy on (of all places) the Internet. I know what everyone says about things like this, but I am following my guts here. I think we could be awesome together. Only problem is that we live on opposite sides of the world. What should I do? Why is it that the person who is right for me now is so far away?
— S.J.
Dear S.J.,
Of all places, indeed. If you all think it’s lame to wait by the phone, try waiting by the computer.
e-mail to a friend in need
Sh*t is about to get real on August 17, 1998…
Via 
