FOBG Rebecca Traister’s ode to Scully is more than worth a day pass to Salon.com’s premium offerings. After all, you’ll need something to last you till tomorrow.

Highlights:

Dana Scully was not standard television beautiful, but a diminutive pre-Raphaelite, pale of skin and red of hair, who could give equal amounts of soul to lines like “Nothing happens in contradiction to nature, just in contradiction to what we know of it” and “Well, seeing as how it’s Friday, I was thinking I could get some work done on that monograph I’m writing for the penology review: ‘Diminished Acetylcholine Production in Recidivist Offenders.'” A woman who, when asked by her pestering partner to examine a cadaver’s head just one more time for a set of horns, can snap on her gloves and mutter “Whatever” like she really means it.

And, about TV romance — or at least spooky chemistry:

The pairing, based mostly on the dynamic between actors Anderson and Duchovny, crackled, and the show had at its core a professional relationship that was not just sexually, but romantically, electric. Of course, back then, when we all walked a mile to school and programs started the season in September and finished them in May, slow-burn television relationships burned really slowly, especially in comparison with today’s short-attention-span theater, when an unrequited prime-time couple can maybe make it to sweeps before kicking off their panties. Not only did the sparks between Mulder and Scully fly fast and far, but the drawing out of their relationship allowed their audience to fall for them too, despite the irritating imperfections of both character and plot.

See you at the movies!

Pee-wee Herman always knew what to say. He never screwed up — he totally “meant to do that!” And there’s just no arguing with “I know you are but what am I!?”

Plus: if you exclaimed that you just love something, Pee-wee’d be all over it: “Well if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” In fact, in one episode of Pee-wee’s Playhouse, Pee-wee walked his own talk with a formal ceremony in which he wed a bowl of fruit salad. (What to give the happy couple for their fourth anniversary?)

Well, on that why-dontcha-marry-it tip, one woman may have Pee-wee beat. She became so enamored of the Berlin Wall after seeing “his” picture as a youth that she developed a childhood crush that eventually led to marriage. In her mind, at least. As the Telegraph reports, Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, has finally come out about her “husband” and general attraction to inanimate objects (she prefers ’em long and slim, wouldn’t you know.) Apparently she and the Wall are quite loving and happy together, and have been for the past 29 years, which, it should be noted, is longer than most human-on-human marriages these days. But we just have to ask: is making conversation like talking to a … well, you know.

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet Hopelessly Heartbroken, who’s head over heels for his best friend. There’s just one thing they don’t have in common, and given his pen-name, you can guess it’s not a passion for film noir. To make matters worse, she has unceremoniously introduced HH to her swell new boyfriend. Should he stay friends with her? More to the point, can he … without, he asks, being “that jealous guy” in her life? Read Lynn’s advice to find out, and then come back here to comment!

Bonus: for more on the tricky — but often doable — friends-to-lovers upgrade, click here!