In and out of love on September 7, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Where to start? I’ll just tell you everything and your editors can cut it down.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost 9 months now. We still are, I think. He is oh, so wonderful! We have been best friends for a lot longer than that. In a month we move in together when we go back to school. (Since we were best friends, we filled out a lease for an apartment before we were a couple, each thinking the other didn’t want to go out with us.) We are now two states away, due to summer vacation from college. We had the perfect relationship when we were together. We had all of our classes together, so we would study together and hang out together basically 24/7. We were both dreading the time when we would have to leave. This is the most serious relationship I have ever been in. He told his MOM that he thought I was THE ONE. (That seems like a big step to me…) He admits that he thought that we would last forever, and I agreed.

(more…)

A bit confused on August 17, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I broke up with my last girlfriend a little over a year ago, and haven’t had any kind of satisfactory relationship since then. I’ve dated one girl four times but have not have not been intimate with anyone. My last relationship ended badly from my perspective from a lack of sensitivity about my needs and feelings; she would say we didn’t have sex often enough.

Since the breakup my attitude has been good, but because of a couple of rejections since then, and my last relationship ending badly I have been feeling a strong sense of alienation from the opposite sex and have had a harder time approaching new women. I have as of late started to question my sexual orientation and have been looking at pictures of transvestite/transexual girls on the net. My question is could these feelings be caused by rejection by women in the hopes that a trans-gendered female would understand my feelings and needs better? Or am I gay and have been suppressing those feelings for 42 years? I have always beeen attracted to a smaller percentage of women compared to the “normal man” and do not usually feel sexually aroused unless there is an emotional attachment also. (I am not turned on by men at all.) Should I explore these new feelings?

— Confused

BG’s advice after the jump!

NOT letting go on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I know that I’m on your Breakup List and I wholeheartedly agree — and the deed was carried out a couple of weeks ago. We agreed to be friends and in an effort to “talk” (we estimated an hour) we ended up spending most of the day (and night) together — good idea…at the time. So in parting, we really let loose on the feelings while in an hour long embrace — I cried, he choked up — the whole 9 yards.

Well, I’d closed the chapter — not to look back ANYTIME SOON, when who appears at my office(almost missing me) we ran into each other as I’m getting off the elevator and he’s getting on. He was with a friend and I was with his sis (who I work with — tough to forget with her around). He says that he misses me and was going to call me the night before, etc. We all chit chat and sis and I go in the office. So on my desk is a note saying that he wished I was here, that he missed our talks, he was looking forward to seeing me, ending it with “Love…”. So, I call him later that night and we talk about how the last night together was great…..we get mushy and I tell him that if I didn’t talk to him before he went away again (extended period for work), that I hope that everything worked out, etc. We end the conversation with me saying that I still love him and he says “I love you — you know that,” not to mention him using all of his pet names for me, etc. He also says that he’ll write (which is something that he didn’t do before and a source of stress for me). He didn’t offer and I didn’t ask about his living arrangements or phone number or anything — I ended up not talking to him before he left and he’s gotten to where he was headed and I haven’t heard from yet either. I was definitely doing much better before he stopped by, now, I’m confused again, whereas before, I was quite happy with the way things ended. I guess that now, I’m deep down inside thinking that there’s a chance. I don’t know if he was just being cruel by being so nice so soon or if there is some chance somewhere down the line? By the way, in ending the phone call, he said to keep remembering the talk we had while clutching each other.. I’m VERY CONFUSED NOW.

— Barbie Doll

BG clears things up after the jump!

The rules of disengagement from December 29, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My girlfriend told me that we just don’t “click” anymore. I’ve always tried to be there for her, and I loved — still love — her more than anything else in the world. More than I thought I was capable of loving. I mean, I was in the jewelry store the other day learning of the 4 Cs of diamonds, hoping to present her with a ring after the New Year. I want to be with her so badly. The only thing I want more in all the world, though, is for her to be happy. I’ve always tried to be there for her. Always tried to offer a shoulder to cry on when something went wrong, or encourage her when making a new venture, or join in her cheer when all was right. She has always done the same for me. We always tried to be equals; neither of us ever “dominated” the relationship. If anything went wrong between us, we always worked together to make amends. Our friends thought we were made for each other.

(more…)

A case of EX-squared from January 5, 1998… 

Dear Breakup Girl,

I was seeing this guy for two years and we practically lived with each other. I finally broke things off because we had such different ideas about what life should be like. He and I remained friends and in actuality our relationship continued except we were free to do what we wanted to. His family and I are extremely close and I just spent Christmas at his family’s home. Just recently I met a wonderful man and he and I have everything in common. How do I make my ex understand that I have to move on in order to make my life happy without completely breaking his heart?

–Completely Confused
Dear Completely Confused,

With breakups like these, who needs boyfriends? The we-broke-up-but-we-still-sleep-together arrangement is normally designed to quell separation anxiety and get you through hormone monsoon season. But you’ve also retained family visitation rights! Wow! This is a a new one for Breakup Girl.

(more…)