Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

When I go out with a guy, and things aren’t working out, of course, it ends. I have been dumped only once in my life, so I am usually the one who does it. But, for some reason, when I break up with a guy, a piece of me really wants him to still want me back. I am cool about when and where to do it, but I have always wondered if what I wear when it happens makes a difference. I still want him to fall for me afterward — should I just wear something regular, something that shows off my figure, dress up, or go grunge? Or does it even make a difference?

— Li’l Miss

Dear Li’l,

Listen, Missy, put your ego back in mothballs. Wanting him to want you back is human, but acting on it — especially if you dumped him — is tacky. Don’t go there. No matter what you’re wearing.

But while we’re on the subject, Breakup Girl will pause for a fashion moment. When it comes to looking marvelous (for non-nefarious purposes), believe none of what you read about cute sundresses and soft, fuzzy sweaters as boy magnets. There are those of us who know from experience how guys react to the sight of women playing hockey. Breakup Girl’s fashion advice: whenever possible, wear full equipment.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Sure, I guess it’s cute to toss your boyfriend’s blazer over your spaghetti straps on a chilly night. Or to snuggle, apres ski, in his big bulky sweater. Or to [NC17 version] pad around his pad wearing nothing but his rumpled oxford and a come-back-to-bed-when-you-finish-those-eggs smile. Or to spend a lazy Sunday lounging about in his beekeeper’s coveralls and giant sombrero. Oh, that’s just me? Mmmkay. Anyway.

Yeah, that’s all cute. Less so, says Crisis in Denim, is when apparel makers call their clothes “boyfriend” clothes. As in: the roomy “boyfriend sweater” (which I guess, things being the way they are, we’ll now go back to calling the “poorboy sweater,” hahaha), the oversized “boyfriend jacket,” a la Lisa Bonet circa 1988, not to mention the boyfriend tee, the boyfriend jeans. This nomenclature, she notes, generally doesn’t work the other way around. (“[C]an you for one moment see menswear designers debuting the Girlfriend Suit at Fashion Week?”) And yeah, there’s something a little ickly aspirational (to say nothing of heteronormative) about it — as if the appeal would be that wearing these clothes says, “Hey! I have a BOYFRIEND!” But maybe that’s reading too much into it. I’m all for comfy (as opposed to other, dare I say, Fashion By Patriarchy looks), but really, maybe “boyfriend” is clothing industry code for “doesn’t really fit.”