Seeking closure on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Any good revenge suggestions? I have been in and out of a not-so-emotionally-fulfilling but really-good-sex relationship for a few (four!?!?) years, and although I always knew it wouldn’t develop into anything good, I went ahead and fell for the whole spiel of how much he loved me … blah blah blah . Well, I’m happy to say that I finally came to my senses after a long crying jag and have vowed to move on to better, healthier relationships, but it’s hard since this has been going on for so long, and I admittedly harbor some bitter feelings and would love to pull off some great final revenge to solidify my intentions of never having him in my life or on my doorstep again … so I was wondering if you had any good suggestions? Nothing too mean, just sneaky enough to be satisfying — maybe this should be a theme for one month, how to get revenge without being too vengeful. Thanx.

— Nicole

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn aides a gal who might Need Closure. You see, she was interested in her younger boss but he always resisted any office romance — or was that just an excuse? Anyway, now she’s quit and …

Since I left his office, I have dropped 20 pounds (more to go) and had what my friends call a “makeover.” Should I give it one last face-to-face shot—or just walk away for good?

Do you think this is the right strategy? Read the full letter at Happen Magazine plus Lynn’s response, then add your own thoughts here in the comments below!

Looking back on January 4, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s that time of year again, when we bow our heads and reflect on the year that’s passed. This is also when we ask ourselves “What the heck just happened?” I’ve been doing that a lot for the last few weeks and I was hoping that your immense intellect and other really cool super powers can help me sort it all out.

I just got out of a really horrible “relationship,” got myself into a really swank bachelor pad, been doing some really swank bachelor things, and all around having a great time. I sometimes get nightmares about my ex, but I try not to let that bother me. I did my share of “closure” with her. When I left, I “closed” the door. My question is this…When I was younger, I was with another gal who I thought was IT. She was the “template” of the woman I wanted in my life. We had great times together, we had bad times together. We broke up after 7 years of this and did not keep in touch for 3 years. That was four years ago. Now, we’ve been hanging out a lot (when I’m in town or vice-versa), talking (mostly via phone or e-mail), laughing, flirting, and getting more comfotable with each other. I have no complaints about that except that I’m finding myself falling in love with her again. What’s the problem you say? I know that she’s not falling for me and I can’t seem to look at anyone else without the spectre of the template popping up. It’s like I’ve put on blinders and narrowed my choices. I’m also starting to second-guess myself. Did I break up with my ex because I know that the template’s there? By the way, the template is still single and currently not seeing anyone. My friends try to set me up on dates and such, but I just don’t find anything in common with these women. I think I’m going crazy, falling for someone who lives halfway across the country, who I know doesn’t have the same feelings for me like I have for her. ARRGGHH!!! It drives me batty!!!! If I think about this logically, I know that I want to continue being friends with her (just friends though) and find another. I know I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year, much less in four years ago….but I guess logic truly goes out the door when you fall in love. Anyway all-seeing and all-knowing one, if you can help me sort this out it would really mean a lot to me. I don’t think I can go through another year with these feelings hanging over my head. Thanks.

— Back to the Past

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Getting over … yourself on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

A long time ago I went out with this boy. It wasn’t a bad relationship, it wasn’t a good relationship…it was an ugly breakup. After the breakup he actually slept with my best friend (whom I also no longer speak to).

Well, while we were dating he introduced me to many people. One of which I married (less than one year after we broke up). I have been deliriously happy for a number of years and want to put the horrible relationship behind me. I want to contact this old boyfriend and thank him for introducing me to the most wonderful man in the world and apologize for being a bit “bitchy” during the breakup. Is this the stupidest idea I have ever had? Am I looking for closure? Or rubbing it in?

— Katrina

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Ooh! BG LOVES a good update!

Hey Lynn!

I don’t know if you remember my “lovelorn letter” from last year (around May 2007 you actually published my letter online* and one of my co-workers who had heard my unrequited love story said “Cheryl, this sounds just like you…did you write to this columnist?”) — was the girl crazy in love with my boss, but he was always the gentleman and never, EVER, gave me any reason to think he was the least bit interested.  I worked for him for a year and then moved on to a really GREAT job, lost a bunch of weight and wrote to you and asked “Do you think I should give it one last shot with him?”

Well, I did – I sent him my last e-mail, and it was a good one!!  I hadn’t seen him in six months, I had lost weight, I was in a great place – and he actually responded.  We went out for the first time on June 1, 2007 and we have been dating and crazy in love ever since.  We are planning to get married next fall (2009).

Thank you for your encouraging and straightforward column and for telling me to “give it one last shot” but if it didn’t work out, I would have “closure.”

Cheryl

* The letter is no longer available online. Original text after the jump…

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Before Paul can shake off Jackie, he may have to dodge a few bullets…

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Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This one may be less of a lightning rod than last week’s “Call me when you’re skinny,” but we’re betting there’s something we can all relate to in the letter from “Not Over in Denver.”

His story: He’s in New York, she’s in Denver. They meet online. They are together (mostly online but a few times off) for seven months, during which time he “nurses her back to health” after a collosally crappy series of psychological challenges. Some thanks: She leaves him for her brother-in-law’s best friend, ten years her junior. His questions: “As dumb as it may seem, should I even hope that we might reconcile down the road? I mean, what are the chances she will even last with this younger guy? If she and I don’t date again, is there anything I can do about the fact that we ended terribly, which I regret? And how can I find closure on this?”

Yep, those are pretty much the million-dollar questions of just about any breakup. Lynn answers them all (‘That’ll be $4,000,000″) — and offers this bonus: closure ain’t as hard to find as you think. Read the whole story, and then come back here to comment!