All you wizened, still-not-“old“-yet-thank-you-very-much souls in the crowd will enjoy a mature chuckle over this list, brought to you by Tango, of bad-bordering-on-cheesy relationship mistakes (female variety).

Personally, I damn near find serenity in knowing how many of them I used to act out, having now graduated to a level of in-my-bones instinctiveness about what not to do. Such as: “Thinking our partners must be interested in everything we do, think and say”; “Putting so much energy into a fairy-tale romance that we’re disappointed with anything less“; and “Not asking for what we want in bed.” (Amen, sister!) They’re so familiar, they border on cliche — but cliches wouldn’t be cliches if they weren’t rooted in truth.

And so, if these mistakes are a thing of your present, not your past, allow me to offer up a little bon mot I’ve long held dear: “Cliches happen.” Spoken by a very wise, not-very-old, ridiculously sexy man.

Dealing with nice guys on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do I tell a guy-friend that I’m not interested in him romantically without using that awful cliché, “I like you, but only as a friend.”? I know guys hate to hear that phrase.
— Katherine

Dear Katherine,
You are absolutely right. Say anything but. I mean, if you’re going to say that, heck, you might as well say, “You’ve always been sort of a Richard Simmons figure in my life.” This is one of the rare scenarios where Breakup Girl does advocate telling an itty bitty dignity-preserving white lie. Seriously. Tell him you’re not interested, tell him you’re interested in someone else, tell him you’re in love with The Lord … just do not use the word “friend.” (Or, for that matter, “nice.”) If you don’t believe me, read the next letter.
Love,
Breakup Girl