Still obsessing on July 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I like the advice you gave to “Wondering” about the happy birthday card. I sent a birthday card to my ex on her birthday — I got no response and I was so pissed because I thought that was really big of me. At any rate, we haven’t talked in 14 weeks, (but who’s counting). My question is, how do I find out without calling directly, what’s up with her, if she’s seeing someone else, if she’s fallen off the face of the earth? Or should I just forget her?

Also, during the course of our relationship I gained fifteen pounds. I’m supposed to start Jenny Craig tomorrow. In my dreams I run into her totally coincidentally, I look fabulous and she’s with her ugly new flame.

Am I being totally delusional about this whole thing? HELP ME…..

— Salty

BG’s answer after the jump! </strong>

Reestablishing contact on July 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

First off I love your page. It’s been a great help to me. Well, I broke up with my boyfriend in March (right after spring break). We really haven’t talked since then and I miss our friendship. Well his birthday is coming up in July and I don’t know if I should tell him Happy Birthday. Do I call him or do I send him a birthday card in the mail or do I even do anything at all? Would it be inappropiate for me to even do this at all? Will his family think less of me if I do or don’t? Please help me make my decision by the middle of July. What do I do?

— Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Actually, sending a birthday card sounds like a perfect way to make a small but nice move toward reconnecting platonically. I wouldn’t call, because if you haven’t talked at all, it might put him on the spot, and you don’t want to hang up the phone with an awkward echo in your ear.

About the card, though: don’t expect a response. I’m not saying he won’t give you one; I’m just saying don’t expect one. Or, to put it another way, don’t make the “success” of your venture contingent upon whether or not he calls you the minute he gets it to thank you for the card and lock of hair. You send it, it’s a nice thing to do, end of story. Oh, and forget about what his parents think, either way; God forbid they should be reading his mail or tallying his birthday correspondence. Finally, when you select the card, keep it simple and pleasant — do not make it MEAN anything — by following these basic guidelines: (1) no 2-layer cards with raised script and inspirational poetry, (2) no crass jokes, and (3) no Ziggy.

Love,
Breakup Girl

The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had this wonderful relationship with a …well, a jerk now, but at the time I thought he was great. We were even discussing marriage (obviously, not very seriously). On our eight-month anniversary, he called me at work and broke up with me. We exchanged stuff, and all was quiet for six months, until just a little while ago on my birthday. He drove by my house to put a birthday card in my mailbox. My question is: why didn’t he mail it, especially since I live an hour and a half away from him? The only message inside was “Happy Birthday,” scribbled, and his signature. Should I call him, or just leave him be? Explain this situation to me, Breakup Girl!

— Zoe

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