Rubbed the wrong way on March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a platonic/romantic relationship with my masseur, who has been my companion to movies and dinner [for the last four months]. He’s nearly 20 years older. We are remarkably compatible, except that he’s jealous of my busy work and social life, saying that he gave all that up when he was a lawyer to pursue massaging — a more relaxing lifestyle. Anyway, I was getting tired of his mixed messages of “I love you, but I’m too old for you” — and so I decided to see less of him. At first he blamed me for my “change in priorities.” Now, he is really chasing me, calling or paging me everyday. I don’t always return his calls, which he isn’t happy about. I am feeling ambivalent, but torn. What is going on here?

— Anastasia

Dear Anastasia,

First of all, “ambivalent” and “torn” are the same thing. Second of all, platonic and romantic are not. Neither are “relaxing lifestyle” and “calling or paging me every day.” If Monsieur Masseur truly followed his dream and left the great American legal tradition for the Great American Back Rub, more power to him. But no fair for him to pass judgement on your lifestyle and get all less-busy-than-thou. He’s clearly still defensive about his shift to life in the slower lane. Find someone else to get the knots out of your back while he works out the kinks in his life.

Love,
Breakup Girl