Breaking up is hard on everybody, from January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a happily married woman (and no — I’m not asking for advice on how to change that situation). However, close friends of ours (a couple) had a nasty breakup earlier this fall. I was initially close friends with the woman, but my husband and I also became close to the man, think he’s a lot of fun and intend to continue our friendship with him. So far, nothing’s been a problem with this — we just don’t talk about his ex-girlfriend. Do I need to tell the woman that we are continuing our friendship with the man?

— Don’t Want to Be in the Middle

(more…)

A friendly note from January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I am stuck in this oh-so-popular position: I have a million guy friends that are guys, but “friend” is all I am to them. I have dated a thousand guys, but all of them break things off saying that they do not see me as a girlfriend. The girls often do not like me either, as I am their boyfriend’s best friend. What should I do? I wish I could find someone to be serious with, but no one wants to be serious with “one of the guys.” HELP!!!!!!!!!!
— Just a Friend

Dear Just a Friend,
SEE, EVERYBODY??? Breakup Girl will say it again: the “nice”/”friend” thing is not only a Guy curse. And I’ll say this again, too: Could be that you’re the kind of person for whom serious relationships start out as friendships. Trust that that’s the case, and the “serious” part will evolve when the time — and the match — is right.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new letters at a time (yay!). So, for December, take your pick of guy drama: one’s written too many texts, and the other has one woman too many…

1. AE thinks he has driven his love away with too many calls and texts

or

2. Am I Being Paranoid, who fears the worst between her long-distance boyfriend and his best gal-pal.

Read the letters along with Lynn’s advice — then come back here and comment below!

Dealing with nice guys on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do I tell a guy-friend that I’m not interested in him romantically without using that awful cliché, “I like you, but only as a friend.”? I know guys hate to hear that phrase.
— Katherine

Dear Katherine,
You are absolutely right. Say anything but. I mean, if you’re going to say that, heck, you might as well say, “You’ve always been sort of a Richard Simmons figure in my life.” This is one of the rare scenarios where Breakup Girl does advocate telling an itty bitty dignity-preserving white lie. Seriously. Tell him you’re not interested, tell him you’re interested in someone else, tell him you’re in love with The Lord … just do not use the word “friend.” (Or, for that matter, “nice.”) If you don’t believe me, read the next letter.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Today we present the original “loft-builder” letter from January 19, 1998, which inspired Paul The Intern’s origin as well as this classic animation!

Dear Breakup Girl,

The thing I fear most in life is “I just want to be friends.” Or “I don’t want to ruin our friendship with a relationship now.”

I have been trying to get to know these women in college. I did all the things a “nice guy” does. I helped move big stuff into their dorm rooms, set up computers and bed lofts, what have you. That’s how I am: When I like a woman, I try to help her out. Well…then I get to be her best friend. I’ve tried not to be a “nice guy,” but I just can’t. It’s instilled deep within me. So what can I do to not be the best-friend/older brother/father/confidant and be someone’s boyfriend?

— Broken Heart Bob

(more…)

Awwwwww from January 19, 2008…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve been friends with this guy at school for three years, and until now I’ve always thought of him as just a friend. He and I went to a formal dance, and even my mom thinks that we are dating. When I told him this, he said, “Maybe we should be.” That’s when I realized that I have a crush on him. Should I pursue this and try to start some kind of relationship that’s “more than friendly”?
— I Think I’m in Love

Dear I Think I’m in Love,
As far as “signs” go, that’s about as good as it gets. What are you waiting for?
Love,
Breakup Girl

While we remain firm in the belief that men and women can be friends, we will dearly miss Estelle Reiner.

An all-nighter from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had been going out with a recently divorced lady with three kids under the age of 12. Long story short, kids love me, she said she did, but never really gave me the attention, and recently told me adios. I am broken totally. I had hoped for the future. I’m 43, work 2 AM – 9:30 AM Monday-Friday. My prospects are nil. I feel totally lost. I just don’t know how to get going again. I am not a bar guy, and am not real aggressive in “hitting on” women. I like myself, think I’m a great catch. I like having a partner; ’tis what helps make life more fun. Give me a road map, if you can. Just some advice that I can really use.

— Peter
Dear Peter,

Okay, here’s some. Start a social group in your community called “People with Weird Schedules and The People Who Love Them.” Breakup Girl is quite serious. There have to be people out there in the same predicament who are dying to attend an event like an “‘E.R.’ Pancake Breakfast.” Advertise in the paper, at the grocery store, on the Web. And keep at it: I just read something about a social group for tall people in NYC whose first meeting had about six people — now they have to rent convention halls. Good luck!

Love,
Breakup Girl

Classic letter from January 9, 1998 …

Dear Breakup Girl,
If I have just dumped my boyfriend, do you think he will tell his friends that he was the one who dumped me?
— The Heartbreaker

Dear Heartbreaker,
Yeah, probably. If he’s a real prince of a guy, he’ll say “It was mutual.”
Love,
Breakup Girl

Here, your weekly installment — now on Mondays!* — of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week we meet Brian (nope, not Baffled Brian, or Brian in Baltimore, or Cryin’ Brian; just, elegantly, Brian), who, as many do, has been chatting casually with (at least) two women online. But among the many things he learned about them — enjoyment of long walks, equal comfort in both jeans and dress-up — was, it turned out, this: the two ladies are FRIENDS. With each other. Now, with Busted Brian, not so much.

But really. Was Brian Two-Timin’, or just … dating? (Specifically, the online version of what BG calls “Brady Dating” — ?) Find out what Lynn has to say, and then come back here to comment! (If you’re also commenting, casually, on another blog, we won’t mind.)

* Our latest season of all-new adventures wrapped up Monday before last >sniff< ! Stay tuned for more!