Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new letters at a time (yay!). So, for December, take your pick of guy drama: one’s written too many texts, and the other has one woman too many…

1. AE thinks he has driven his love away with too many calls and texts

or

2. Am I Being Paranoid, who fears the worst between her long-distance boyfriend and his best gal-pal.

Read the letters along with Lynn’s advice — then come back here and comment below!

Home from college on December 22, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My now-ex-girlfriend and I broke up two weeks after I left for college. She is in high school and said that she didn’t feel she could wait for me and watch her senior year pass her by. She is very popular and gets many guys but both she and I know that I’m the one she was happy with.

We went out for a year and I couldn’t believe she now just wanted to date. It has now been about two months since we broke up and a month since I’ve talked to her. She never was one to express herself. But I still seem to want her back. Can I get her back? Should I get her back? Should I talk to her over Christmas break or just continue wondering how she feels? Please help me.

— Can’t Let Go

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Separation anxiety on January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have met a guy on (of all places) the Internet. I know what everyone says about things like this, but I am following my guts here. I think we could be awesome together. Only problem is that we live on opposite sides of the world. What should I do? Why is it that the person who is right for me now is so far away?

— S.J.

Dear S.J.,

Of all places, indeed. If you all think it’s lame to wait by the phone, try waiting by the computer.

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Here, your newest installment of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego, now appearing on the spanking-new Lifestyle channel at MSN.com (and powered by Match.com). This week, we meet Maybe Not So Mature?, who’s doing a little morning-after quarterbacking after a hot and — well, not that heavy one-night stand.

“I knew this was nothing but a fling,” she laments, noting that he’s four years younger (maybe not a huge mathematical difference, but it gives him a whole different digit in the tens place) and that they have nothing in common except that neither lives in the other’s state. “[But] I cannot stop thinking about him. It’s driving me nuts! This is not what I need because I am finally ready to date after being divorced over a year and dating losers for six months. I feel weak for sitting and hoping that he calls. What should I do?”

Other than be stoked that girlfriend’s still got it? Not a whole lot! See what else Lynn has to say, and then come back here to comment!

Paul follows his heart — straight into some freak-y hijinks …

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Being apart from your honey stings like a bee-atch, and, as Jackie recently reported here, the cost of fuel is making it harder to keep things sweet. Long-distance couples have plenty of keyboardy, computery ways to keep in touch — e-mail, IM, Skype — but those tools can be too task-oriented and disruptive. Over at Wired magazine, Regina Lynn recently explored the budding field of “tele-amore” — a whole new world of technology that may help “intimacy, playfulness and common experiences.” As Lynn writes: “Despite the frenzy around social media applications, we still don’t have sensual devices that extend that functionality beyond virtual space.” The gizmos she describes are all about nonverbal communication (but we’re not talking about “teledildonics”). (more…)

Getting practical on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
What about a long-distance breakup? Should you meet one last time to do it, or do it over the phone?
— Johan

Dear Johan,
How long is long? If you’re talking about, say, the distance between Minneapolis and St. Paul, face-to-face is kinder and gentler, allowing for meaningful handholding, forlorn looks, etc. But if she’s going to spend big bucks to jet from Chicago to Madagascar only to get dumped — or if you’re going to show up on her doorstep after an overnight journey, dump her, and then need a place to stay — I say dial those digits. Unless, of course, you think that the resulting phone bill will be roughtly equivalent to transatlantic airfare (first-class).
Love,
Breakup Girl

The blogosphere is OMGing over Gossip Boy Chace Crawford’s split with Idol darling Carrie Underwood via text message. Sure the couple were dunzo a while azo, but a fresh quote from Carrie over the weekend provided the juicy SMS twist to their “mutual” breakup that has people typing.To us, Charrie (Crawwood?) never seemed so serious that decorum would dictate a face-to-face breakup — especially with C-Bear constantly on tour — but there’s something about texting that suggests “I want to spend as little time on this breakup as possible and use the fewest number of letters.” Ouch. What do people think? Is this the appropriate way to extricate oneself when one of the parties has their own commemorative Louisville Slugger?

And now a word from a BG VIP: It’s Broken Heart Bob, the original Loft-Builder!

When we first meet BHB, he asks, nicely, how he can be a nice guy without being The Nice Guy. The guy who women flock to… for help with odd jobs. You know, the guy whose shoulder women cry on…about other men.

Several months after that, he’s back, and he’s crushing on someone 11 years his senior — though at least, thankfully, not expressing his feelings by offering to drive her to the airport or move her piano.

Then: Another missive detailing a massive dating drought in which dry conditions also help set an old flame alight. Which would be hot except for the part where she’s married to a doofus. And now he’s got a tattoo: a tattoo of the earth on his shoulder. The world! On his shoulder! Oh, the weight! Oh, Broken Heart Bob!

And now! BHB writes from Africa! Turns out our man has joined the Peace Corps. In other words, he is building the world a loft, in a good way. Here is his latest missive, plus a bit of a pep talk from BG. (Note: This response from BG to long-time VIP/FOBG BHB is an extra-special VIP case. Please send your requests for advice to my alter-ego at AskLynn@match.com) Feel free to add your comments as well!

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Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). Today we meet “Is Beauty Only Skin Deep?”, who has met someone of her own — online, anyway. Endless phone calls, round-the-clock IM, talk of marriage, sheer bliss…at least over optical fiber. But when her fella finally sees her photo (yes, after the M-word comes up), it’s perhaps his true face that shows. His response: “You’re pretty, but can you call again when you lose some weight?”

That, or when pigs fly?

Read the whole shebang, and then come back here to comment!