We just spotted this few-weeks-old-but-still-compelling post from LemonDrop: it’s a lovely meditation on designing a wedding that reflects the authentic values of an adult relationship, rather than trotting out cliches that may no longer be age- or couple-appropriate.
One of the traditions this smart bride (writer Virginia Sole-Smith) eschews is the whole “walk me down the aisle and give me away like I’m chattel” business. She’s not the first, only, or last to do this, of course, but she’s especially eloquent about this and other decisions. Congratulations on your equal marriage, Ms. Sole-Smith!
Single women are still feeling the “stigma” of spinsterhood, a new study of middle class, never married, women over the age of 30 has found. In fact, single women between the ages of 25 and 35 reported feeling both highly visible in certain social situations — like, God help us all, bouquet tosses at weddings — and highly invisible when it came to social status, in almost every situation from consideration by political representatives to expectations in office environments.
Despite the fact that 40% of all adults in The United States were single in 2009, it is women who often feel pressure to explain or justify their single status.
Pandagon goes into more detail about the humiliating catch-22 of the bouquet toss,and also explores the potentially harmful situations the pressure to be married can foster. That is: “men can make higher demands on women in exchange for their validation of women. Sometimes a woman’s devalued position in a relationship merely means she does most of the housework and emotional work, and her sexual satisfaction is a secondary concern. But in the worst case scenarios, culturally created female desperation can be used as leverage by domestic abusers to keep their victims in place.”
And here’s another antidote for all the single ladies, all the single ladies — and anybody who loves a great self-published comic: the amazingly funny and philosophic story, “My Every Single Thought” by Corinne Mucha. This comic chronicles the author’s attempt to get over an old relationship, and come to terms with a — yes — saucy new label: Single.
Filed under: books — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:09 am
Thinking of getting married? Just a small City Hall ceremony with a justice of the peace — and a therapist? Today’s your day. See this goodie from BG’s PR wire:
MEDIA ALERT
RELATIONSHIP EXPERT TO COUNSEL JUST-WED COUPLES IN FRONT OF MANHATTAN MARRIAGE BUREAU
(New York, NY) “With the escalating divorce rate it is crucial to give just-wed couples something much more fortifying than a Victoria’s Secret leopard and lace teddy,” says relationship author Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW. To kick off her mission Amatenstein, author of the just-published THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: Relationship-Saving Advice from the Top 50 + Couples Therapists , will bring along a therapist couch from Washington Square Institute in the village where she is a staff therapist.
Says the expert, “Instead of throwing rice, I’ll hand couples a book and a sheet containing the collected wisdom of the top 67 marriage counselors in the country and in some instances offer an on the spot mini-session!” Amatenstein adds, “I’m open to being a witness if called upon.”
Says Helen Fisher, author of Why Him, Why Her: The Complete Marriage Counselor “is a wonderful book…full of ideas about how to make the partnership you really want.”
WHEN: February 12, 2010 – 10 AM to 1 PM
WHO: Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW, couples counselor at Washington Square Institute and author of THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
WHAT: Romantic triage for just-wed couples
WHERE: City Clerk’s Office, 141 Worth Street
New York, NY 10013
Often couples wait until things are very bad before communicating issues that are wrong. Probably the most important bit of advice imparted by the experts who include John Gray, Harville Hendrix and Judy Kuriansky, according to Amatenstein: “It’s never too early to get a head start on your marriage…Even if that marriage is of five minutes’ duration!”
Amatenstein plans an as-yet-unscheduled visit to Las Vegas chapels, home of the quickie wedding. A second phase of her marriage-saving tour will include stops at the two top honeymoon destinations Hawaii and the Bahamas.
Filed under: Advice,News,Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:49 am
Perhaps you recall this no-longer-lovelorn letter from Cheryl, who’d been head over hizzeells with her boss, though he “never gave [her] any reason to think he was the least bit interested.” Well! After moving to a better job, she told us, she — per BG’s advice, ahem — gave it one shot with him, and…cue wedding chapel bells! Here is the happy couple, Cheryl just wrote to tell us, on their happy day, lucky 9-09-09. Congratulations!
Disclaimer: Remember, the goal of life/love/this website is not GET MARRIEDMARRIEDMARRIEDMARRIED. (Or even DON’TBESINGLESINGLESINGLE.) You’ve got enough people telling you that. We just want you to be happy — whatever that looks like for you. Cheers!
Less rich-relative flaunting. This isn’t the Common Application. Lines such as “the bride is a great-great-great-granddaughter of the New York banker and philanthropist Jacob H. Schiff and of Abraham Abraham,” sound ridiculous. More than one great is braggy. And why did great-great-great-grandfather have the same first and last name? One exception is Sage Lehman, “a descendant of Cornelius Vanderbilt.” This is exciting, because as a Gossip Girl fan I wonder how Sage will get that diamond back from Nate Archibald.
Normally I think we resent people on Facebook that have the same name as us, but these two found L-O-V-E!
Kelly girl sends a cyber shout-out to Kelly boy, and he answers back. Three weeks of viral flirting leads Kelly boy to head east to Florida to meet girl Kelly. A couple of months later, he’s relocating — and come October, just eight months after their first connection, Kelly Hildebrandt will marry Kelly Hildebrandt.
True story: Not only did I meet a female “Chris Kalb” once, she was the German exchange student LIVING WITH MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE’S FAMILY. Of course she didn’t give me the time of day.
e-mail to a friend in need
A new book by social scientist Bella DePaulo, PhD, 
Perhaps you recall 
