Double trouble on July 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a huge crush on the most popular guy in school. He has a girlfriend. At the dance he and his girlfriend were dancing real close and making out. It felt like a stabbing pain in the back — and also like an aching, longing heart — because she is one of my really good friends. What can I do so I don’t like him any more? Is there a way to be friends and not break into tears when I see them together? Please help me.

— Kat

Dear Kat,

Don’t think of a purple elephant.

That is, of course, exactly what you did think of. The same happens when you say to yourself: “Don’t like Popular Boy.” Trying to not like him is the same as liking him. It takes just as much effort and energy, and has just as unsatisfying results. So don’t fight that feeling; let it be, recognize it, say hello to it, let it run its course. While you’re pursuing other options. Soon enough, that feeling you’ll get on your back will be the warm, sweet hand of the boy you’re dancing with.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

How am I supposed to act around the guy I love (he knows I love him) when he has told me he loves my worst enemy?

— Kitty

Dear Kitty,

Jealousy, my dear, is your worst enemy. Act — as in Best Actress in a Drama– like it doesn’t bother you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Getting “friendly” on February 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for five months; he’s 17, I’m 16. Things were giong really well until I noticed how “friendly” he is with other girls. He says he loves me,and I truly know that he does, it’s just that he cannot seem to stop “flirting” with other girls. I am his first serious relationship and he was used to having a lot of close friends, but whenever I am present or not, he playfully frolics around with their hair and their clothes and I don’t think it is appropriate! Maybe he just likes attention, but it drives me insane! I don’t want to have to break up with him over it, but he also creates these double standards where he gets jealous if I even receive e-mail from another guy. What should I do?

— Feeling Betrayed

(more…)

Early cyber-cheating, circa February 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a problem with my husband. He was spending 10 to 14 hours a day on the computer, talking in chat rooms to other women. They sent him pictures. One day, I found him having cyber-sex. It was bad enough that he was spending so much time in chat rooms, ignoring me, and his son, but then to find out he was doing this really hurt me. I found out the name of the person that he had cyber sex with, and told her how I felt. She yelled at my husband. Then he had the nerve to tell me to apologize to her! That really hurt! Why should I owe anyone an apology? I was the one who was hurt, and just stated my feelings. He says I am too jealous. I’m not thinking that he would ever run off with this person, but it just hurts that he spent so much time typing to her, and other women, for so many hours every day, and ignored me and his son. What do you think?

— Leah

(more…)

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet a fellow who’s about to become a dad…and he’s already “Overwhelmed.” The problem? When he’s home from work, his pregnant girlfriend basically won’t let him out of her sight — not to get a beer with friends, see [his] mom, or buy a pair of shoes, he says. How can Overwhelmed hang on to any shred of his “me” time? (And how can his gf not realize that she’s gonna want grandma on her good side?) Find out what Lynn has to say, and then, on your you-time, come back to comment!

We are kicking off our new blog with the very first advice letter that we answered back on December 1, 1997–yeah, 10 years and two months ago! Along with new comics, news and observations, our plan is to present “classic” advice letters daily for new readers to discover and old fans to (finally!) comment on …

Dear Breakup Girl,
I am SO OVER HIM, I really am. Having bought your book and followed its wisdom, I even have a spiffy (better!) new boyfriend. But I worry that I’m a bad person ’cause I am sort of obsessed with my ex’s new girlfriend, who is richer, thinner, and more Society than me. I am not exaggerating, she’s got a Celebrity Hair Stylist and everything. He must be all “God, how could I have gone out with that cow when I now have this beauty?” And I worry I’ll bump into her at the supermarket (though probably she sends a serf to do her shopping) and she’ll look at me and sneer. Why do I care? It’s really annoying me.
— Out of Groceries

Dear Out of Groceries,
The way I see it, you are actually fortunate that this Lord of the Flies with shopping serfs is a huge heinous society babe with Celebrity Hair. Let’s say, instead, that your non-spiffy ex had started dating someone REALLY SIMILAR TO YOU. Then you’d really have something to worry about. Even though you are over him (I believe you!), you’d be comparing yourself to her on a much less superficial, much more meaningful — and thus much more intimidating — level. Not “What if he likes her better because she got to take him to that party that Shalom Harlow and whats-her-name von Furstenburg were at?” but “What if he likes her better because…she’s a better person?”

Trust me, it’s better this way.
Love,
Breakup Girl

P.S. Would it help if a rumor got spread that the next hot Celebrity Hair Style is the revival of the Dorothy Hamill? Breakup Girl will make some calls.