Getting better on April 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I lived with a guy for 6 years–in December he FINALLY asked me to marry him. In January, I had a biopsy to confirm whether or not I had cancer, and then he got REALLY weird. A week after the biopsy, and three days before the results, he dumped me. (The old “I love, but am no longer IN LOVE with you” speech!) I think that he just couldn’t deal with the fact that I’m sick, but I can’t really reconcile this, as several years ago he had helped me nurse my grandfather, who was dying of cancer. I can’t quite deal with this. I feel like if he couldn’t love and support me through this, how can I expect someone else to?

We have had little contact with each other since the breakup. He called me several times after he found out about my diagnosis, and was totally sweet–even hinted around about us getting back together. But when I came back to town a few days later to see doctors and talk to him, he acted like he never even said we should talk about getting back together, which he had. After that, I refused to speak to him, and we have divided property and settled everything via e-mail only.

The thing is, he’s obviously a jerk, but I still love him. Any advice?

— Heartbroken

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Lemons: Being dumped at altar. Taking honeymoon with brother.

Lemonade: Penning NYT bestseller Honeymoon With My Brother.

For his next trick, self-described “professional dumpee” Franz Wisner, author of the above, is releasing his followup work, How the World Makes Love: . . . And What It Taught a Jilted Groom.
This time, the brothers Wisner trekked to seven different countries — Brazil, New Zealand, Egypt, India, the Czech Republic, Nicaragua and Botswana; not a mix that’ll help you win Risk — to see what love looks like ’round the world. We welcome Wisner back from his second honeymoon!

An all-nighter from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had been going out with a recently divorced lady with three kids under the age of 12. Long story short, kids love me, she said she did, but never really gave me the attention, and recently told me adios. I am broken totally. I had hoped for the future. I’m 43, work 2 AM – 9:30 AM Monday-Friday. My prospects are nil. I feel totally lost. I just don’t know how to get going again. I am not a bar guy, and am not real aggressive in “hitting on” women. I like myself, think I’m a great catch. I like having a partner; ’tis what helps make life more fun. Give me a road map, if you can. Just some advice that I can really use.

— Peter
Dear Peter,

Okay, here’s some. Start a social group in your community called “People with Weird Schedules and The People Who Love Them.” Breakup Girl is quite serious. There have to be people out there in the same predicament who are dying to attend an event like an “‘E.R.’ Pancake Breakfast.” Advertise in the paper, at the grocery store, on the Web. And keep at it: I just read something about a social group for tall people in NYC whose first meeting had about six people — now they have to rent convention halls. Good luck!

Love,
Breakup Girl

Another quickie from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you get your boyfriend back after he dumped you because his friends don’t like you?
— Heather

Dear Heather,
You don’t. Any boy who would dump you just because his friends don’t like you is no friend of Breakup Girl’s.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Prolonged agony from December 16, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I was recently dumped by a guy that I went out with for quite some time. Even though I agreed with him that breaking up was the right thing to do (and I really thought I meant it!) I can’t get over him now. I still have to see him quite often since we have a lot of the same friends, and it kills me to see him with anyone else. My friends are also sick of hearing about everything. What should I do to get over him once and for all?
— Still Lusting

Dear Lusting,
Don’t second-guess yourself; I’m sure you did mean it when you agreed that breaking up was the right thing. But breakups are Mixed Feelings City (slogan: “I never want to see you again…unless you’re wearing those jeans”) — and right now, you’re the mayor.

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