Dear Breakup Girl,
I really like this guy who dumped me like three months ago. And I asked him why and I got like five different answers. I don’t know which one to believe. And I really like him a lot. I tried to ask him out personally, but I chickened out and had someone else do it. He just says no or drops the subject or something. Someone asked him why he wouldn’t go back out with me and his answer was “Because…just because. I gotta go.” How should I go about getting him back? Or should I just forget about him (which would be pretty hard)?
— Confused
Dear Confused,
Guys, guys, guys: STOP HAVING OTHER PEOPLE ASK PEOPLE OUT/BREAK UP WITH PEOPLE FOR YOU. Also, no notes. These procedure never work accurately or efficiently! I know they are all standard forms of high school dating communication, but if you ask me, they should have gone out with the rotary phone. I bet you the kids on “Dawson’s Creek” don’t do dumb stuff like that! Then again, they’re all dating grownups. But still.
Love,
Breakup Girl
Everything is Terrible has been digging up some priceless videos recently. Here’s an ad for “Flirting With Magic” — a course in magic that promises to improve your pickup skills. There’s some solid advice in there somewhere — about building your confidence and easing the pressure of starting conversations with the opposite sex — but those Eighties production values undermine their attempts to look cool.
Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you ask someone out?
— Ms. Apodaca
Dear Ms. Apodaca,
The real question is, “What do you wear to ask someone out?” And the answer is: your ultra-protective Pride suit (think “Outbreak,” or the end of “E.T.”). Zip it up, and pop the question. If the answer’s yes, great. But if the answer’s no, you’re covered — your suit won’t let it get under your skin. Right?
Love,
Breakup Girl
Dear Breakup Girl,
I really like this guy — should I ask him out? Or should I wait until he does?
–Confused
Dear Confused,
There’s something to be said for waiting. Not because I think we should go back to the time when girls didn’t ask guys out, there were no women in Congress, etc. But because it’s fun to get asked out! It’s flattering! It’s thrilling! (Unless your suitor is that weird boy who wears shorts year-round, even in winter. You know the one.) And, more often than not, it’s useful — when he makes the first move, your preliminary guesswork is over: you know he’s interested, or at least “curious” (my term for one notch below “interested”).
But the same goes both ways. If you really want to be all you -go-girl about it, well then, you go, girl. Ask him out. Once. If he’s busy (or “busy”), you’ve at least made your point. Ball’s in his court now. You don’t have time to chase or flatter. You’ve got to work on that bid for Congress.
Love,
Breakup Girl
Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve learned all there is to know about the breakup now, but haven’t experienced the going-out part yet. What’s the best way to let a guy know that you’re interested — note, phone, in person, a friend…?
— Jennie
Dear Jennie,
Whatever you do, don’t have “a friend” let him know. That will turn your would-be romance into something out of “My So-Called Life” faster than you can say “Jordan Catalano.” And a note is way too Shakespeare — plus, it could fall into the wrong hands, or never reach your intended at all (speaking of Claire Danes). Keep it simple — old-fashioned, even. Ask him out for a malted; invite him to the dance; bring him along with your friends to the movies. He’ll at least start to get the hint — but if he doesn’t take it, move on.
Love,
Breakup Girl
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 12:51 am
Serious business from December 5, 1997:
Dear Breakup Girl,
I jokingly told a girl that I would go with her to our school’s formal winter ball. She thought I was being serious and now she wants to go with me. How should I tell her no, in a way that we will still have the same friendship as before?
— Clueless
Dear Clueless,
There are three things you never joke about: (1) carrying a bomb in your suitcase, (2) famine, and (3) taking someone to a winter formal.
e-mail to a friend in need
High school drama from January 19, 1998…
