Ghosts of boyfriends past visiting on December 7, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I feel as though I’m experiencing a sitcom “inner dialogue/fantasy sequence”…it’s so cliche as to be deeply disturbing. I’ve been broken up since February and just recently started dating again…er, and venturing into nakedness with other men…

The problem is I keep thinking of my ex during all “intimate” activities. It’s so distracting that can’t enjoy myself and I feel terribly impolite (even though the guy I’m with has no idea). This has really never happened before. How can I make this ghostly bedfellow disappear??

— Clare

Dear Clare,

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: when you sleep with someone, you sleep with everyone else you’ve slept with.

I mean, you can toss their stuff off the balcony, but the muscle-memory of sex and intimacy will stay much more firmly lodged under your skin. Which means that to some degree — when you get naked with someone new — that ghostly presence in your pores is normal. And thus that to some degree, letting him be — rather than distracting yourself by trying to shove him from your mind — is what will help fade him out.

Also, make sure you actually like these naked boys. ‘Cause that ghost guy might also be Banquo. Wondering: “What are you thinking!?”

Love,
Breakup Girl