Trouble trusting on December 7, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been involved for a year and a half with a very gentle, caring man who I feel is trustworthy. However, I cannot seem to give up relentlessly accusing him of seeing other women. I know this is a contradiction. I do feel he is trustworthy, but I believe that I am experiencing a case of paranoia–as my past partners have been anything but trustworthy. Perhaps, I have recently taken a blow to my ego as of late, and my insecurities are surfacing in this relationship–but I honestly cannot figure out why I have been questioning my partner to the point of him wanting to give up. I have done damage to this relationship through this, and he is sick and tired of arguing–as am I. I want to repair the damage, but I seem to be unable to keep my mouth shut.

— Big Red

Dear Big Red,

We’re thinking you should open up that mouth to a therapist. Cause here’s what Belleruth says: “Your insight into the situation is admirable, but, evidently, not sufficient. Yours could be one of those self-fulfilling prophecy deals, where you create what you’re most scared of — i.e. rejection — out of perverse self-destructiveness. But if you get some help, you’ll have more control over your testing behavior and wayward mouth.” Here’s hoping that it’ll start saying things like, “I trust you.” Or, better yet, that things like “I trust you” will go without saying.

Love,
BR/BG