The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had this wonderful relationship with a …well, a jerk now, but at the time I thought he was great. We were even discussing marriage (obviously, not very seriously). On our eight-month anniversary, he called me at work and broke up with me. We exchanged stuff, and all was quiet for six months, until just a little while ago on my birthday. He drove by my house to put a birthday card in my mailbox. My question is: why didn’t he mail it, especially since I live an hour and a half away from him? The only message inside was “Happy Birthday,” scribbled, and his signature. Should I call him, or just leave him be? Explain this situation to me, Breakup Girl!

— Zoe

Dear Zoe,

Explanation: either he’s confused about what he now wants from you, or he didn’t have a stamp. Are you interested in getting back together? If so, Breakup Girl suspects that he’ll at least take your call.

But before you dial, let me remind you of two things: (1) after an eight-month relationship, he broke up with you on the phone, at work, and (2) he delivered lame mail instead of seeing you face to face. In other words, as far as vision, bravery, and postal service go, even his Kevin Costner impression falls short. If that’s not a sign of an apocalyptic future, I don’t know what is.

Love,
Breakup Gir