Popularity contested on November 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My problem isn’t as devastating as it could be, but its a huge deal for me.. Maybe you could give me some tips. This really isn’t to brag, but I’m considered one of the “popular girls” in my high school. What I don’t understand is why it’s so hard to find a boyfriend. No one asks me out, though I talk to a lot of guys. I’m in so many clubs, sports teams, etc. to meet people, but it just seems like all the guys would rather be friends, though they’ve never stated it, but WHY?! Before HS, I’d always thought the popular people always had boyfriends and girlfriends…and most of my friends do…even the dorks are paired up. So why not me? What can I do to show guys that I am interested?

— Dateless & Lonely Lizzy

Dear Lizzy,

The “popularity” thing reminds me of one of my favorite letters of all BG time: “Dear Breakup Girl, I’m not the most popular girl in my grade,” she began.”I’m the 5th most popular girl in my grade. And 8th in my school.” (What percentile?)

But did everyone get the big message in Miss Lizz’s letter? POPULARITY IS NOT THE ANSWER. In fact, in this case, it may be part of the problem. I wonder — and I am NOT sure about this — if maybe the boys think that you are out of their league. That you’re never just chillin, where someone can just chat with you. That Julie McCoy herself doesn’t even have time for a little shuffleboard. I am not saying that you should quit being active and doing the stuff you love. And I would never want to perpetuate a world where boys are subdued around busy, badass babes. But I wonder if you’re working the But I Am Popular! angle a bit too hard (your slightly center-stagey email handle, which I will of course not reveal, tipped me off, too). That’s the way to get a trophy arm candy boyfriend, or none at all. So between practices and rehearsals and meetings, try just kickin’ it a little more. Or asking someone out. Betcha he’ll be surprised you have the time. And the interest.

Love,
Breakup Girl