Wanting more on October 12 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hi!!! I am 18 and during my life, I have been through a lot of guys. At first, I liked the one nighter deal thing and my friends couldn’t belive that I was letting all the guys treat me like a sex object. Anyway, I got labelled ‘slut’ because the popular guys were interested in me and the popular girls got jealous. The friends who stuck by me during this time, I later found out that they were using me to get closer to the guys they liked and called me a slut behind my back. (This was when I was 14 – 15.) When I turned 16, I fell in love, but he “played” me so I took a year to get over it and it killed me. Then after that, my relationships have been short (all my life they have been short i.e. 2 hours, 2 weeks, 3 months) hehe ooops.

I so want a LONG LOVING CARING RELATIONSHIP, I’m sick of getting used as a freakin sex toy, I want a man to actually like me for who I am, not for my appearance, but where the hell do you find one of those!! *L* I’m very affectionate, emotional and caring and I get hurt easy, it’s hard to find a man like that though. Like, I’m finding it real hard to trust men now. What should I do, do you think?

— Lisa

Dear Lisa,

I can’t tell you — or anyone — specifically “how” to trust people, but I can tell you this: don’t sleep with them until you do. If, boys and girls, a “long loving caring relationship” is what you’re looking for. YES, some long loving caring relationships definitely do start out as Take Me, NOW! Fine. But so far, Lisa, that hasn’t been your pattern. And I’m not saying you should play some sort of grody “good girl” withholding game. But if you want things to last differently, then have them begin differently. Then it’ll be way less easy for you to say, “Here we go [out for two hours] again.” And you and your beaux will both get the message: “Whoa, in order for this to work, we’ve got to be serious about actually getting to know and trust each other.” The boys will sort themselves out, and so will you.

Love,
Breakup Girl