Stuck in the past of September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I need to know how to get back at my (now) gay ex. He’s a big jerk and seems to think he’s all that and more. I want to teach him a lesson he’ll never forget. What should I do? (And yes I have moved on to someone else whom I love.) Thanks.

— Hope

Dear Hope,

You should move on to someone else whom you love.

Oh wait, you did that.

Then you’re all set.

Love,
Breakup Girl