Going no further on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

One of my friends is totally in love with me but I have no feelings for him whatsoever. How can I tell him that I don’t like him without losing his friendship?

— Julianne

Dear Julianne,

The best you can do is this: break it to him sweetly but clearly. As in: “I have the hunch that you might like us to be more than friends. I think it’s important to tell you that I’m totally sorry, but I just don’t feel that way. Which also means that I love our relationship the way it is, and I hope that’ll still work for you too.” So if you do still want to be friends — and he can deal — then prove it … gently. Make an effort to keep everything the way it was — in terms of hanging out, talking, whatever you do together — but turned down one notch. This will let him know that you meant what you said, but it will also give him space to get over what you said. And wait a while before you get all Good Person and try to set him up with someone else. He may not be ready … and you may find yourself oddly jealous.

Love,
Breakup Girl