Moving fast on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am currently in a relationship with a really nice guy. I told him initially that I just wanted to be friends, but he insisted that I give him a chance. I did and we are really great friends and lovers, the problem is that he lives in DC and I live in NY. He wants me to quit my job and move in with him. I love my job and I do not want to give up my job or my life for anyone. I am at the height of my career and feel that there should be some compromise on the part of both people, not just one person.

He says he agrees, but gives me this sorry excuse that he can’t move to NY. He is now talking about getting married and taking a vacation together this Christmas. He introduced me to his family, which I was not ready for at all. I have only known him for 3 months and I have expressed that I think he is moving way too fast. I have been thinking about breaking up with him, but he will not take no for an answer. I also don’t want to be rude and hurt his feelings and risk losing a great friend; but, he’s at the point where he is entirely too overbearing and pushy. Please advise.

— ATP

Dear ATP,

He “will not take no for an answer?” Sister, if both parties had to “agree” to a breakup, I’d be some other kind of superhero (like, the one who frees golden retrievers from bandanas) . And if he’s overbearing and pushy, then why are you worried about being subtle? Rude is bad, of course, but forthright is fine. You [probably] had the choice not to meet his parents if you weren’t ready, and you certainly have the choice not to pack for Niagara Falls. This one is about what it will take for you to make “no” your answer.

Love,
Breakup Girl