A twofer from August 24, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, two questions.

1) Say you were hooking up with (OK, sleeping with) a guy for a month. Literally every night. Also you’ve known the guy for a year, pretty well, and been friends. He gets out of your bed one Saturday morning and asks you what you’re doing later that day. You then don’t hear from him for oh maybe three weeks. Then you call his machine to point out you have a bunch of his clothes at your apartment. Then you find out he’s been going out with his ex girlfriend and a lot of your “friends” know about it and have not told you. Then say you feel really depressed not to mention you feel like a really really big tool. Say you are normally a cool person. What do you do? Thanks, please help, I need it.

Now my roommate:

2) New problem: Okay, there’s this guy from work that you may have hooked up with to some extent (have NOT slept with) [This is my roommate rubbing in the difference between her problem and mine.]

SO ANYWAY, he is NOT gay, but he has lots of girl “friends.” He in fact brought one of them to a bar tonight to perhaps confuse or bother me about, and I don’t know what to think. At our last real talking period, everything seemed to be going well, in fact, I would say that I had the upper hand. Now, after I sort of rejected his advances at work in front of co-workers, he’s giving me the cold shoulder by bringing along those whom I consider to be these “girl friends.” Why is he trying to hurt my feelings? Does he still care?

— Please Leave Us Anonymous Because These Stories are Painfully True

Dear Please,

Okay, how come I have this weird feeling like I’m writing back to Ally McBeal and her roommate?

Roommate 1: If you are normally a cool person, then remain one. I don’t really get from your wording whose clothes are where, but get the pile back to its rightful owner (your roommate could help). Then do the same with your pride. How? Grit your teeth, say nothing, move on. Yeah, maybe your friends — what about your roommate? — shoulda piped up. But no matter what, when “commitment” is only informal (as in, he may be there every night, but you’re still calling it ‘hooking up’), then, unfortunately, so is its demise. Sorry, but middle-ground relationships do wind up on a slightly lower moral ground. Those — along with the disproportionately large fallout — are the strings attached to “no strings attached.”

Roommate 2: Never mind this guy; do you still care about your job? Playing out your mini-soap “in front of co-workers” will not get you on the short list for employee of the month. This one doesn’t sound like an epic against-all-odds romance — which the only kind that’s worth pursuing on the job.

My advice to you both: put on some Vonda Shepherd and some cute pajamas, do a funny get-psyched girly dance around your apartment, have a fashion crisis, and then go out and meet some new boys.

Love,
Breakup Girl