Feeling left out August 10, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My husband Dylan and I have been married for about a year and a half, and so far it’s been great…except when his friend Alex comes to visit. Alex lives out of town, and will occasionally spend a couple of days with us. I like Alex, and we get along fine; the problem is that when he’s here, Dylan tends to completely ignore me. The two will spend the WHOLE TIME playing video games, or watching TV shows I don’t like. Dylan will barely talk to me. Now, I can understand his wanting to do a little male bonding; I like to hang out with only my women friends sometimes. But I start to feel, well, darned lonely after a whole weekend of this. Even though our hobbies don’t completely coincide, Dylan and I are usually very interested in what the other is doing (he comes to my hockey games, I go to his wrestling matches, etc.), and it seems like he doesn’t even care what I do when Alex is here. I’ve tried suggesting things that the three of us would enjoy doing together, but no soap. I’ve been a tad reluctant to talk to Dylan about this, because I kind of feel like I’m being selfish and possessive (“You’re MY husband, and you have to spend ALL your time with ME!”). Do you have any ideas on how I could deal with this?

— ED

Dear ED,

Um, it actually kind of does sound like you’re being selfish and possessive. Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, you guys have (a) a good time together except for a weekend here and there, and (b) hobbies you enjoy on your own. Next time, grab your hockey bag, wave jauntily, and tell them you’ll see them when you see them.

Love,
Breakup Girl