Too much of a good thing on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

OK — I just ended a very emotionally straining relationship ( Rock On for me! ) and I have been trying to get my life back in order. So, to make this a short story, I know this guy — we are friends — he is fun, nice, good-looking….yada, yada, yada — anyway we slept together (first off, not my style — but we were SAFE, so why not ). Anyway, after I felt really weird — so we had “the talk.” The talk of: ” That was just what it was, nothing more. We can remain friends — but we are not going to be a couple. Plus I just got out of something very horrible and I am not looking. Are you cool with that??”

Anyway, he says Yes. I think the world is a grand place.

Now, he is buying me gifts and always hanging around my desk. Finding reasons to come over.

I mention that I like a certain look on a guy to other friends, and he does it. The man has totally dyed his hair, and made other changes. ( I was not saying anything to make him change, I was just saying…if I thought he was really listening I should have said “Antonio Banderas!!”)

And I know how that sounds — “Oh a great guy likes me and he is doing nice things for me…Poor me, Oh how horrible” — but my point is this, I know that he likes me more than I like him. I would never do anything to hurt him. (My ex led me on and I know how that feels, so I won’t repeat it.)

And yet at the same time — Don’t act like we are a couple. Trust me, he will make someone very happy, it just won’t ever be me !!!

So, what do I do? We hang out in the same circle, and I very much enjoy his company, but as far as being “Together” — just ain’t gonna happen. I thought by having “The Talk” this would not be happening, but it is. I feel weird accepting anything he gives me — even though he says it is just because we are friends, but he does not do it for any other girls in our group — and I feel very awkward, when we all go out, and he brings me a gift. I have said “No thank you, and you shouldn’t have” and tried to give it back, but he insists.

IT LOOKS LIKE WE ARE A COUPLE.

This is not the message I want to be putting out, but at the same time I don’t want to say — as a friend you are great, but as a prospective boyfriend, you are annoying as Hell. He means well, but……..

Help !!!! I know that there are worse problems to have, but I want to do the right thing. Please advise, O Mighty One.

Love,
Potential Bitch

Dear PB,

Whoops! About him liking you more than you like him, and also about your not saying Antonio Banderas.

Anyway, YES you have to be responsible for his feelings. Or at least for not deliberately/callously toyingwith them. But he is an adult, and you have been quite clear. He, as far as you can control it, is fully informed. For him, it — everything: the shopping, the loitering, the hair dyeing — is a calculated risk. For your part, well, BG has heard of worse deeds. Such as telling a puppy-lover you really like the Danny Bonaduce look (the original one). Okay, I haven’t heard that one. When I do, there will be hell to pay.

BUT. Here’s the dilly: so you’ve been pretty honest with him, yes? Fine. Now the person to be honest with is yourself. Regarding the answer to this question: at what point does feeling good stop being worth feeling bad?

Love,
Breakup Girl