Faking it on July 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

This past weekend I went on a bike trip and met two other people, who, like me, were on the rebound. We ended up in a big discussion of the Ex-Files. I told them about my ex, and how we fixed up a couple who are getting married next year. I realize it’s a little early to flip out about this wedding, but I am already way nervous about it. Both people in the couple are really good friends of ours, and they have resolved or at least found a way to live with the issue we couldn’t deal with (religious differences). So it’s going to be scary.

My new-found friends semi-jokingly suggested that if I don’t have a date I really like by the time the wedding rolls around, I should appear on the arm of a tall, cute actor who can play the role of the kind of guy he would feel really overwhelmed next to (in this case, an academic with tenure and three published books would be great).

Question: is this good advice? I have already been joking that I may need a date, a hip flask, and possibly a straitjacket to survive this one (especially as I will probably be asked to do something during the ceremony, like read or sing). I am not in a big hurry to get involved with someone, so it is quite likely I will not be bringing my own date (someone of reasonable duration) to said wedding.

Would a fake date help?

— Reenie

Dear Reenie,

Nope. Bringing a fake date is way lamer than being The Diva Who Dared Come Alone. It is a “Coach” plot waiting to happen, without the nice clean wrap-up in 30 minutes.

Anyway, all of your “faking” energy will be channeled into holding your head high. But you — you, singular — can do it.

Love,
Breakup Girl