Double trouble on July 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a huge crush on the most popular guy in school. He has a girlfriend. At the dance he and his girlfriend were dancing real close and making out. It felt like a stabbing pain in the back — and also like an aching, longing heart — because she is one of my really good friends. What can I do so I don’t like him any more? Is there a way to be friends and not break into tears when I see them together? Please help me.

— Kat

Dear Kat,

Don’t think of a purple elephant.

That is, of course, exactly what you did think of. The same happens when you say to yourself: “Don’t like Popular Boy.” Trying to not like him is the same as liking him. It takes just as much effort and energy, and has just as unsatisfying results. So don’t fight that feeling; let it be, recognize it, say hello to it, let it run its course. While you’re pursuing other options. Soon enough, that feeling you’ll get on your back will be the warm, sweet hand of the boy you’re dancing with.

Love,
Breakup Girl