Judging by appearances on July 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hey well…..I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to deal when your parents won’t accept your boyfriend….C…..I live in a very small town…..and well….every1 has to live up to every1 else’s expectations….and if any1 here is just a little different…in which this case my boyfriend has a eye-brow piercing…and his ear’s pierced….and well no-one around here can accept it…so since no-1 else can except it…..my rents can’t…..I just want to know a way I can get them to actually see what kind of sweet, gentle guy he is….and that I love him…if you have any advice at all it would be sooo greatly appreciated…Thanx.

— Kristin

Dear Kristin,

Don’t worry, I’m on your side. But I will say that sometimes we have to cut parents some slack in this department. Just to put their body-ornamentation thing in perspective for you, keep in mind that in some people’s parents’ time, anyone who DYED HER HAIR was considered a tramp. BG is not messing with you; about that one; nor is she bummed that times have changed. Add to that the fact that, given what you say about your community, the only other people your parents see with piercings are people on TV who do bad things and have problems like Mohawks and being in The Real World. or Spice Girls. Plus, yeah, even if they do warm up to your beau, they still have local public opinion to contend with.

So, you can’t really blame them — but you can try to hammer out some sort of truce. First, you have to PROMISE!!!! me that they have no other non-piercing-related reason to dislike him. Okay? Then, ask if you can sit down and talk about this like adults. Don’t pout, don’t stomp, don’t plead, don’t yell, don’t accuse them of being dorks. Don’t lecture them about “self-expression” and “acceptance.” You may not be able to “get them” to see what a sweet gentleman he is, but you may be able to get them to relate to and cut you some slack on how you genuinely feel about him. Tell them what he does for you. Tell them why you love him. Tell them you’re not trying to get them to love pierced eyebrows (remember the above), you’re just trying to let them know why it’s important for you to try to work something out that you can all live with.

Then see if you can work something out that you can all live with. How about you can see him only under certain circumstances, like together at the mall, but not alone at his house? Most parents/teens have those kinds of rules anyway. And the more grown-up you are about this, the more likely they are to treat you that way. Good luck.

Love,
Breakup Girl

P.S. Oh, and for the moment, hold off on getting any piercings yourself. That might send them over the edge.